


Camp Sucks-A-Lot

by Azazel (Sir_Weston)



Category: South Park
Genre: Attempted Murder, Bullies, Camp, Danger, F/M, Haunted Island, Hurt/Comfort, Kyle gets abused a lot, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pedophilia, Rejected Advances, Scary Doctor, Stalking, Suggestive Themes, Winter, background Creek, camp activities, crappy summer camp, haunted camp, implied child molester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2018-12-23 04:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11982576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sir_Weston/pseuds/Azazel
Summary: Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman are sent with the rest of their class mates to a horrible, crappy summer camp in the middle of winter. With this camp comes run down cabins, buildings that look about to fall apart, and horrible camp counselors that make everything worse. But worse than that are the bullies, a tall kid named Brad who's determined to steal away Wendy from Stan and keep her for himself!Will any of the kids come out of this unscathed?





	1. Camp Jackov

Winter break is supposed to be a good two weeks for students to relax a bit during the cold days of winter. To have some time off from a new grade at school, and have no responsibilities or cares, nothing to worry about except for how big one would like their snowman to be.

That’s how it’s supposed to be. However, the parents of the fourth grade class of South Park elementary thought differently. Instead of letting their kids run wild and free for two weeks, they decided it would be much better to send them to camp. Because that makes perfect sense.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman stood in front of the bus stop, seething with rage as they waited for the camp bus. None of them wanted to be there, none of them wanted to go to a stupid camp, and none of them wanted to be forced to spend two weeks in tiny frozen cabins and do annoying and pointless camp activities.

“I can’t believe our parents are making us go to some stupid camp,” Stan complained to his friends, “Isn’t that usually for summer time?”

“Yes,” Kyle replied, just as bitter, “It’s not fair! Ike gets to stay home and do whatever he wants for two weeks!”

“(So do my siblings,)” Kenny offered, “(They get to stay home while we freeze to death out in the woods.)”

“Yeah, and there’s never anything good to eat at camp!” Cartman added, “All the food sucks! I’m gonna starve to death!”

“Trust fatass over here to always think of his stomach,” Kyle muttered to Stan, who nodded in agreement. Cartman glared at them.

“Fuck off, Jew!” he snarled.

Kyle was about to respond, but the sound of a bus horn cut him off. A school bus pulled up and opened its doors. A rush of smoke came pouring out, covering the boys and making them choke and cough. When the smoke cleared, they looked into the bus and saw one of the most bitter looking human beings ever at the driver’s wheel.

The driver appeared to be an obese woman, though it was sort of hard to tell. She was dirty and had an odd odor that wafted out into the fresh air. She was puffing on a cigarette that hung between her lips. She turned and glared at the boys.

“You here for camp?” she asked in a very raspy voice. The boys nodded. She jerked a thumb behind her. “Get on,” she ordered.

The four boys quickly obeyed, sensing that this was a woman one would not want to cross. As they passed her to get to their seats, she blew a puff of smoke at each of their faces, sending them into a fit of coughs. She closed the doors and started up the bus.

As the boys looked for a place to sit, they noticed that their entire fourth grade class was on the bus. Stan spotted Wendy waving eagerly to him.

“I’m going to go sit with Wendy,” Stan informed his friends before quickly shuffling off towards her. Cartman cast an angry glare after him.

“Sellout!” he called, “Leaving your friends for a girl!” He sighed then turned to Kyle and Kenny. “So, which of you losers wants to sit next to me?”

Kyle and Kenny both stared at him before simply walking down the aisle and taking a free seat behind Stan and Wendy. Grumbling, Cartman went and took the last seat available, which was next to Butters. As soon as he sat down, Butters brightened.

“Hi Eric!” he greeted cheerfully, “I didn’t know you guys were coming to camp as well! Golly, that will make these two weeks much better!”

“Butters,” Cartman muttered, “Please do me a favor and shut the fuck up for the rest of this bus ride.”

“Oh, ok Eric!” Butters replied, “I’ll shut up!”

The bus was unusually quiet as it bumped and bounced along the road. The kids spoke in soft voices and only the occasional coughing fit from breathing too much smoke broke the silence. Every time someone started coughing, the bus driver would slam on the brakes, turn around and yell at them to stop coughing. Then she would take another big breath of smoke, and start up the bus again.

“I’m glad you’re going to this camp too, Stan,” Wendy told him as they sat together, “That might make this a little bit more tolerable.”

“Yeah,” Stan agreed, “Shelly wouldn’t stop taunting me yesterday when my parents told me they were sending me here. Fuck, was that annoying.”

“I hope the cabins are heated,” Wendy continued, “Can you imagine how awful it would be if we had to sleep in the cold?” She shivered at the thought.

Stan tried his best to smile reassuringly at her. “Don’t worry, Wendy,” he said, “I’m sure this camp won’t be as bad as we think it is. At least we have all our classmates with us. No weirdos or anything.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, the bus stopped again and the doors opened. Five kids none of them had ever seen before stepped onto the bus. The boy standing in the middle was much taller than any of the fourth graders, and he wore a sneer that told people not to mess with him. He had an arm wrapped around a scantily clad girl who wore heavy makeup.

The tall boy snapped his fingers and the three shorter kids all dispersed to take their seats. Stan noted that all five kids looked like classic trouble makers. One boy went over and sat next to Bebe and Red, grinning pervertedly. The only other girl of the group shoved her way in between Tweek and Craig, looping her arm with Tweek’s, who shrank back in fear, while also nearly shoving Craig right out of his seat. Another boy sat behind Cartman and Butters and immediately started kicking the back of their seat, angering Cartman greatly. Stan felt his stomach turn as the tall boy and the slutty girl he was with walked towards him and Wendy. The tall boy looked Wendy up and down, while the girl stared far too intensely at Stan.

Finally, the boy spoke. “’Sup? Mind moving over?” he said, “There ain’t much room on this shit-hole of a bus.”

Stan and Wendy looked at each other, then scooched over towards the window, pressing as close to each other as possible. The boy and girl sat down next to them. The girl was sitting next to Stan (Wendy was by the window) and she batted her eyelashes flirtatiously at him. Trying to avoid her gaze, Stan looked down at the floor.

“The name’s Brad,” the tall boy informed the two, “An’ this is my girl, Janet.”

“Um, I’m Stan and this is Wendy,” Stan told Brad.

Brad looked over at Wendy and wiggled his eyebrows at her. Stan hated him for that. He felt Wendy press a little closer to him.

Just when the children thought they couldn’t take any more of the hellish, smoke-filled bus ride, and Cartman looked like he was going to murder someone (probably Butters,) the bus finally pulled up to the camp. The doors barely had time to open before everyone came desperately pouring out, gasping, and coughing. Brad and his gang came casually strolling out a moment later.

Stan quickly went over to stand next to his friends, and they all got a good look at the camp. And, boy, what a shit hole it was! The sign reading “Welcome to Camp Jackov” was fading and starting to fall off. Mud colored snow and dead leaves were scattered everywhere. The cabins where they were expected to sleep looked like they would collapse at any minute. The mess hall looked to be one sneeze away from falling down. Planks of wood stuck out from every building. A mutated fish bear was dragging a dead body into the nearby lake. There was a forest nearby that practically screamed “you will die the moment you set foot in here.” There wasn’t a single, solitary thing that looked like it had been cleaned.

“Dude,” Kyle muttered next to Stan, “This place sucks. We’re really supposed to stay here for two weeks?”

“I know, dude,” Stan sighed, “This is gonna be horrible.”

“(Aw, come on guys,)” Kenny said, trying to lighten the mood, “(Maybe it won’t be as bad as we think!)”

Then the camp counselors came bursting out of the mess hall. There were four of them in all. The first one was very tall, very skinny, and very happy looking for some reason. The second one was shorter, but thicker, and looked like he was a former drill instructor. The third one was rather chubby and staring at the kids with a creepy expression.

The fourth counselor was quite different. He was a short, fragile looking man with a long, bent neck, a hunched back, slack jaw, and long, beak-like nose. He sort of looked like a vulture. He also had squinty eyes and twitchy hands that were kind of bent funny.

“Hello there, little campers!” the tall counselor greeted as he and the other counselors lined up in front of the kids, “My name is Scout Master Scout! This big guy is Camp Counselor Guy, the handsome man next to him is Camp Counselor Al, and finally Camp Counselor Slackjaw!” Scout’s voice was slow and rather high pitched. He talked with a slight southern inflection, and sounded like he thought all the kids were stupid. “Before we begin, does anyone have any questions?”

Butters raised his hand.

“Yes, my name is really Slackjaw!” the vulture man growled in his voice that was even higher pitched than Scout’s.

Butters put his hand back down.

“Now let’s all head to the mess hall so we can get started on some super duper fun activities!” Scout Master Scout told them all. Then he led the way towards the mess hall with a sense of dread hanging over the group.


	2. Cabin Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids are placed in their cabins, and they learn even more how much they hate camp.

The kids grumpily followed Scout Master Scout to the mess hall, many of them complaining that “this was gonna suck” the whole way there. When they reached the building, the kids stopped, not wanting to enter. Scout noticed their hesitation.

“Don’t worry, kids!” he exclaimed, “There’s nothing to be afraid of! Why, this old building could withstand a hurricane!” He patted the door frame and a chunk of wood broke off and landed on Slackjaw’s head, making the entire structure groan.

“Ow,” Slackjaw muttered with no other reaction.

The kids were about to enter when a woman with the world’s biggest smile suddenly jumped through the door in front of them. “Howdy there, kids!” the woman exclaimed.

“AHHH!” all the kids screamed in fear.

“I’m Troop Master Wendy, Scout Master Scout’s right-hand woman!” the woman introduced herself, “I hope y’all are ready for two weeks of fun!”

“Can we go home now?” Kevin asked anxiously.

“Of course not!” Scout laughed. “Now, everyone into the mess hall!”

Grumbling, the children did as they were told. The inside was just as much of a dump as the outside was. The children took their seats at the three long tables that were set up.

Scout stood at the front of the room with Troop Master Wendy at his side, while the other three counselors loomed nearby. “Now, kids, I know you’re probably all intimidated by each other, seein’ how you’re all new faces,” he began.

“Actually, we all pretty much know each other already,” Stan pointed out, “We go to school together.”

“So, to begin our super fun camp activities,” Scout continued as if Stan hadn’t spoken, “We can all fill out these super fun questionnaires!”

All the kids groaned. As the counselors started handing out the papers, Stan couldn’t help but watch Brad and his gang. They had not yet sit down, but Brad snapped his fingers and they separated. The boy from before went over to the girls, sitting down next to them and wiggling his eyebrows. The girl immediately rushed over to where Tweek and Craig were sitting, shoved Craig out of his seat and looped her arm around a panicked Tweek. The other boy sat down, ripped his paper up, and started spitting spitballs at everyone. Stan watched with dread as Brad and Janet walked over to where he and his friends were sitting. Without even asking, Brad shoved his way in between Stan and Wendy, while Janet pushed Kyle out of the way so she could sit on the other side of Stan.

“Rude!” Kyle hissed under his breath.

“Hey, Stan!” Janet greeted, leaning in way too close for Stan’s comfort. He couldn’t help but notice that Wendy was glaring at her.

Stan mumbled a greeting, wishing he had at least one his friends to talk to. He would even take Cartman over this.

As the kids wrote down random answers to the questionnaire, Slackjaw shuffled between the tables, peering over shoulders to make sure they were working. As he approached, Cartman took the opportunity to be, well, Cartman.

“Hey, old guy!” Cartman taunted, “Is that noodle neck of yours on the menu for tonight or what?” He laughed as Slackjaw came to a stop and glared at him. “You gonna go home and feed your freakish vulture babies?” Cartman gave Kenny a nudge, trying to get him to laugh with him, but Kenny simply gave him an annoyed look.

Slackjaw’s eye twitched once before he turned and started shuffling towards the kitchen area. Cartman continued to laugh, not noticing as Slackjaw pulled out a large kitchen knife and started back over to him. He raised the knife over his head, ready to strike…

The very large Counselor Guy tackled Slackjaw, easily tearing the knife out of his bony hands. “HEY!” Guy shouted, startling everyone in the room, “WHERE DID YOU GET THIS!? KNIVES ARE DANGEROUS!”

Slackjaw’s eye twitched again. “Of course,” he said in his high-pitched voice, “I wasn’t going to hurt the young boy. I simply wanted to show the kids how dangerous pointy objects can be.”

Guy considered this. “AH! VERY GOOD! WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?” he exclaimed, obviously buying Slackjaw’s bullshit lie.

“Okay, campers, while you’re working, I’m gonna tell you which cabins you’ll be staying in for the next two weeks!” Scout announced joyfully. His words were not met with the cries of joy he had probably been expecting. He awkwardly cleared his throat.

“Cabin One will be Butters, Eric, Spitzer, and Jimmy,” Scout started, Spitzer being the kid who was currently spitting spitballs at him. Before he could continue, Cartman interrupted.

“GOD DAMNIT!” he shouted, “Why am I the one always getting stuck with Butters?!”

Scout ignored him (and the spitballs) and continued. “Cabin Two will be Bebe, Heidi, Red, and Annie.” The four girls he named looked relieved. “Cabin Three is Kenny, Token, Timmy, and Roger.”

Kenny glanced around trying to see who Roger was, when he noticed the perverted kid raise his eyebrows at him. Kenny face palmed. “(Damn it!)” he muttered.

“Cabin Four will be Wendy, Janet, Nichole, and Elle.” Wendy hissed with annoyance under her breath as Janet waved to Elle, who had a foot on Craig’s side, preventing him from standing. “Cabin Five is Kyle, Brad, Clyde, and Tweek.” All four he named looked severely disappointed. Scout continued naming cabins, alternating boys and girls until he got to cabin ten. “And finally, Cabin Ten is Stan, Craig, Pete, and Kevin.”

While Stan wasn’t exactly thrilled with who he had to share a cabin with, he was glad that he at least didn’t have to room with Brad or anyone of his friends. He did feel bad for Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Wendy though. Especially Wendy, since she had to share a cabin with both of those horrible girls and only had Nichole as a friend.

After the kids all turned in their papers, they were allowed to take their stuff to their cabins. Stan walked with his friends, not wanting to separate from them yet.

“It’s kind of annoying none of us got a cabin together,” Kyle complained.

“(Yeah, but at least none you have to share one with Mr. Perv over there,)” Kenny grumbled, gesturing to where Roger was currently wolf whistling to any girl that walked past.

“You want to talk annoying?” Cartman growled, “I have to share a cabin with that annoying kid AND Butters!”

“Oh, come on, dude,” Stan reasoned, “Butters isn’t that bad.”

“I could hang out with a stick of butter and have a more stimulating time than I could with Butters,” Cartman said.

“Ok, now you’re just being mean,” Kyle retorted.

They split up and went to their separate cabins. Stan took a deep breath as he stood in front of his cabin before going inside. It was a very bland and boring cabin. Though the walls were wood, the floor was concrete, making the place seem even colder than it already was. There was a main room with a round table with four chairs, and the only decorations were a small rug and a single picture of a flower on the wall. There were two doors open across from where Stan stood leading to the bedrooms. He walked into one of the rooms and found two small cots to serve as their beds. They looked unbearably uncomfortable. Other than that, there was nothing else in the room.

Stan sighed quietly to himself. He was glad he had thought to bring extra blankets and his comforter, otherwise these two weeks were also going to be sleepless. He heard a sound behind him and turned to see Craig stepping through the doorway with his stuff.

“Hey, man,” Stan greeted him a little awkwardly.

“Hey,” Craig said simply. He dumped all of his stuff on the cot next to the one Stan stood by, then immediately turned and left again.

“Yeah, nice talking to you, too,” Stan muttered.

Over at Kyle’s cabin, Kyle was just as unimpressed with his two-week home as Stan was. He was a little dismayed to find that Clyde and Tweek had already taken one of the rooms, which meant he had to share a room with Brad. Kyle walked into the room and saw that Brad had pushed the two cots together.

“I’m taking this bed as well,” Brad stated in a voice that left no room open for debate.

“Dude! Then where the fuck am I supposed to sleep?” Kyle demanded.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Brad sneered.

Grumbling, Kyle dragged his stuff back out into the main room and laid it against one of the walls. He would make a make-shift bed there later. Right now he just wanted to get out of this fire trap and find his friends. And maybe Cartman.


	3. Lake Fokka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids are sent out onto the lake for some rowing, and they all suck at it. Then, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman get stranded on a supposedly haunted island.

“So, how are you guys finding camp so far?” Stan asked his friends as they met up near the lake. Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman all looked some-what annoyed.  
“That Brad kid stole two of the beds, so I have to sleep on the floor,” Kyle muttered, still bitter about it.  
“Oh my fucking God,” Cartman growled, “That Spitzer kid? Easily the most annoying person I’ve ever met in my entire life! He wouldn’t shut up, he kept giving Butters wedgies, he stole Jimmy’s crutches, and he kept poking me in the stomach!”  
“(What an asshole,)” Kenny observed. “(That Roger guy kept talking about banging every girl here.)”  
“Isn’t he, like, ten?” Stan wondered.  
“(I think so?)”  
“So, how’s it for you so far, Stan?” Kyle asked his friend.  
“Pretty ok,” Stan replied, “The décor is a little lacking, and I’m rooming with Craig, but other than that, there’s nothing spectacular.”  
“Dude!” Cartman snapped, “What makes you so special? You didn’t get any of those annoying assholes!”  
Stan blinked at him. “Sorry?” he said, not really knowing what else to say.  
They were interrupted by a loud horn blaring throughout the camp, causing their eardrums to ring.  
“Attention, campers!” Scout Master Scout’s voice rang out over the camp, “Please report to the docks at Lake Fokka for our first fun activity!”  
“What was the lake called?” Kyle asked as all the kids started wandering towards them.  
When all the kids had gathered by the docks, the camp counselors joined them. Stan couldn’t help but notice the way Counselor Al looked out over all of them with this creepy leer. It made Stan quite uncomfortable and he stood a little closer to Kyle.  
“Ok, kids,” Scout began, “What’s the first thing you can think of when you picture a lake?”  
“Swimming?” Kyle said hopefully.  
“Mutant fish-bears?” Stan suggested, noticing one glaring at them from the middle of the waters.  
“Using a flare gun to burn a stage to the ground?” Pete referenced.  
“No, no, of course not!” Scout laughed, speaking as if they were all stupid, “You think of canoes! Crossing the lake in a nice boat!”  
“That’s not what I thought of,” Clyde contradicted.  
“Me neither,” Red agreed.  
“I pictured myself laying in the sand naked,” Butters shared.  
“Butters,” Cartman growled, “Stop talking.”  
Counselor Guy stepped forward. “LISTEN UP!” he shouted, making everyone flinch, “YOU WILL ALL PICK GROUPS OF FOUR! YOU WILL PICK YOUR BOAT! YOU WILL ROW TO ONE SIDE OF THE LAKE, AND THEN YOU WILL ROW BACK! ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?”  
“What if we’ve never rowed a boat before?” Wendy asked, “Shouldn’t we be taught how or something?”  
“TOUGH COOKIES!” Guy yelled. Slackjaw took a step forward.  
“And if I were you, I would try to avoid that island in the middle of the lake,” he said, his shaking hands gesturing in the general direction of the lake, “I may have murder- I mean there may have been a murder on the island and now it’s haunted.”  
“Wow, golly!” Butters exclaimed, “Is that true?”  
“No, I just don’t want any of you finding the body,” Slackjaw muttered. There was a pause as everyone stared at him. “I mean yes. The island is haunted.”  
With that cheery note, the kids started breaking off into groups. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny quickly formed their usual group before any of the new gang could interfere. As they went to collect their canoe, Brad and his group roughly pushed past them and Stan glared at them.  
“Maybe we shouldn’t have Cartman in our group,” Kyle suggested. Cartman glared at him.  
“(Why not?)” Kenny wondered.  
“Dude, his fat ass will sink the canoe,” Kyle pointed out.  
“I will not!” Cartman growled, “Your Jewness will sink the canoe!”  
“That doesn’t make any sense!”  
“Your face doesn’t make any sense!”  
“Guys!” Stan interrupted, “Can we please just get this over with? I don’t want to do this anymore than you guys do!”  
“Fine, let’s go,” Cartman muttered.  
The groups all dragged their canoes into the water. Brad and his group of Janet, Elle, and Spitzer pointedly walked past Stan and his friends, shoving them all over before they could climb into their canoe and knocked them into the water, drenching them. They laughed as they pushed off and Stan glared after them as he and his friends climbed back on shore.  
“God, I hate those guys,” he muttered.  
“Tell me about it,” Kyle agreed, wringing out his coat.  
Stan sighed. They were already falling way behind. “Come on, guys, let’s get going.”  
When they finally got their canoe rowing, they found it a lot harder than they initially thought. Thankfully, though, they weren’t the only ones struggling. Everyone was trying to figure out how to row, as they had never done this before. Except for Brad and his gang. They swiftly rowed past all the groups, and showed off by rowing circles around them. They stopped by Butters’ canoe and dunked his head underwater until the other three pulled him up. Then they rowed over to where Craig, Tweek, Clyde, and Token were so Elle could pinch Tweek in the arm and shove Craig out of the canoe as Clyde and Token watched in horror. They somehow managed to sink another canoe. Finally, they rowed over to Stan and his friends. The evil look Brad was giving them made Stan fear for his life. Without saying anything, Brad and Spitzer leaned over, grabbed the side of the friends’ canoe, and flipped it over, tossing all four boys into the water. As Brad and his friends rowed off, chuckling, the canoe righted itself, and only Kenny was left inside. He blinked several times.  
“(Guys?)” he called, “(Guys?!)”  
Kenny desperately looked around the water trying to find his friends. Then he noticed the shores of the island in the middle of the lake. It was a bit away, but not too far, and he saw Stan, Kyle, and Cartman slowly crawl onto the sand. Kenny breathed a sigh of relief.  
Cartman coughed violently, heaving up water from his lungs. Stan and Kyle did the same. When he could breathe normally again, Cartman glanced out at the lake where Kenny was in the canoe staring back at them. The other groups had moved on.  
“Kenny, you bastard!” Cartman yelled, “Get back here and save us!”  
“(I can’t!)” Kenny shouted back, “(The paddles fell in the water!)”  
“Oh, that’s just great,” Kyle hissed, again wringing his coat, “Now we’re stranded on a murder island and probably going to freeze to death.”  
“Maybe not,” Stan tried to encourage him, “I mean, if we don’t come back the counselors will know we’re missing. And the others have to pass by Kenny on their way back, right?”  
“Yeah, but it’s starting to get dark,” Kyle pointed out, “The others might not even see Kenny.”  
“Kyle, stop being a negative Nancy,” Cartman growled, “I’m sure we’ll be fine.” He would have been more convincing if he hadn’t been shivering violently from the cold temperature and being soaking wet.  
The three of them sat there for a few minutes, shivering and cold, before Stan stood up. “I’m going to explore a little bit,” he declared, “Maybe it will help me warm up a bit. I won’t go too far from shore, though.” He assured Kyle before his friend could open his mouth.  
“Dude, don’t you remember what that freaky vulture guy said?” Cartman warned, “This island is haunted!”  
Stan scoffed. “I doubt it,” he replied. Then he walked up the shore to where the grass and trees began. He had only taken about two steps before he heard Kyle and Cartman join him.  
“We got lonely,” Kyle said before Stan could ask.  
They walked through the brush, the light of the slowly dying sun and rising moon their only source of light. Stan was glad he had two of his friends with him. Even if he didn’t say so aloud, this place was rather creepy. He could almost see the shadows of evil creatures sneaking up on them. He shook his head. It was just his imagination.  
“Jesus, it’s freezing,” Kyle muttered next to him, “I hope someone comes to get us soon.”  
Stan couldn’t help but agree.  
“It’s kind of cold, but it’s not that cold,” Cartman contradicted.  
“That’s because all that extra fat and lard is keeping you warm,” Kyle grumbled, shivering, and pressing lightly against Stan. Cartman glared at him.  
“Well, it’s probably because of your evil Jewness that you’re feeling cold!” Cartman growled at him.  
“Again, that makes no sense,” Kyle mumbled, closing his eyes.  
Stan frowned. He could feel Kyle trembling from the cold against him. “Maybe we should head back to the shore,” he suggested, shaking Kyle slightly to get him to open his eyes, “We don’t want to miss anyone.”  
They headed back to the shore line and were rather surprised to see two canoes approaching. One of them was their own, with Kenny still sitting patiently sitting there. The other canoe was being steered by Craig, Tweek, Clyde, and Token. They had a rope between their canoe and Kenny to pull him along. Stan stared in surprise at all of them.  
“We heard you guys needed rescuing,” Token called to them as they pulled up to the shore. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman ran over to them.  
“How did you guys get here?” Stan asked.  
“We rowed, duh,” Craig replied, rolling his eyes, “How else would we get here?”  
“Yeah, but you guys kind of sucked at it last we saw,” Kyle pointed out.  
“Well, we had go back for Craig after that girl pushed him out of the canoe,” Clyde told them, ignoring the nasty glare he was getting from Craig, “And I guess we got kind of good at rowing.”  
“Do you guys have your oars with you?” Token asked them, “We’re gonna need some help rowing back.”  
“No,” Cartman muttered, “Kenny threw ‘em in the water.”  
“(I didn’t throw them into the water!)” Kenny snapped, “(They fell in when that asshole, Brad flipped our boat over!)”  
“Whatever,” Cartman dismissed, “Anyway, we can’t help you guys. You’re just going to have to do twice the work for us.”  
Their four saviors groaned with annoyance.


	4. Hard Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids have breakfast and take a hike in the woods. Things go wrong.

The moon had completely risen over the lake by the time Craig and his friends managed to row back to camp. Everyone had gone off to bed, except for Scout Master Scout, who had fallen asleep, standing up, and waiting for them. The eight of them walked past him, heading off to their cabins.

It was in this sort of situation that Stan was glad he had brought a ton of extra blankets. He loaned one to each of his three friends and also let Craig have an extra one, seeing how he had been pushed into the water as well. Craig muttered his thanks, then completely wrapped himself up in the blanket before falling asleep. Stan found it oddly adorable.

When the sun rose the next morning, Stan felt like he had only been asleep for twenty seconds. He was tired and his head hurt and he just wanted to sleep. But Scout Master Scout apparently was going to make sure that didn’t happen.

“Rise and shine, campers!” he exclaimed, bursting into their cabin. He knocked on the two doors, and Stan and Craig groaned.

“Why does morning have to come so early?” Stan muttered, burying his face into his pillow to try to block out the light. The two boys dragged themselves out of bed and groggily got changed. When Stan finally got to the mess hall for breakfast, he saw that his friends were also half asleep. He dragged himself over to them while Craig went to his own friends.

“Any of you guys sleep last night?” Stan asked.

“I slept on the floor last night,” Kyle muttered bitterly, “So, no, I didn’t sleep last night.”

“Butters was snoring in my ear,” Cartman growled, “So, on top of being cold, I had to deal with that shit. For such a tiny boy, Butters snores really loud.”

“(I’m pretty sure that Roger guy was having some sort of wet dream,)” Kenny mumbled, barely keeping his eyes open, “(He kept letting out these sexual moans all night. It was really disturbing.)”

Their conversation was interrupted by Scout announcing that breakfast was ready. All the kids stood and went to the large window where the chef was serving the food. Stan wasn’t really sure if the chef was a man or woman. Whatever the chef was, they were even bigger than the bus driver who drove them to camp. The person was very sweaty and dirty looking and looked like they really didn’t want to be there.

“Next!” the chef shouted, the gravely, smoker’s wheeze not helping in the slightest to identify gender.

“Sweet,” Cartman said, steeping up, “Can I get extra helpings?”

The chef gave him the most “fuck you” look a person could give someone. “No,” they answered simply. Cartman frowned, took his tray, and walked back to the table. Stan and Kyle stepped up next.

“Um, what is this, anyway?” Kyle wondered, noticing the unidentifiable slop that was being poured onto his tray.

“Food,” the chef replied unhelpfully.

“Yeah, but what kind of food?”

“NEXT!” the chef barked, scaring Stan and Kyle back to their seat. Kenny walked up after his friends, eagerly holding out his tray. The chef (who might have been partially blind) dumped the slop on his head instead of the tray. Kenny frowned, annoyed, but walked back to his seat anyway.

As Stan sat and watched, he saw Brad walk up with Janet and cut everyone in line. Spitzer also cut with them. As soon as Spitzer got his food, he immediately turned and dumped it on the head of the person next in line, who happened to be Clyde. Elle walked past the line (she wasn’t going to touch that slop) and passed Tweek just as he got his tray. Before Tweek could turn to walk back to his seat, Elle pinched him flirtatiously in the back of his neck, causing him to let out a startled yelp and fling his tray into the air, where it splattered on the floor. Then she passed Craig, who was next in line, and roughly shoved him backwards into Token, causing both of them to fall over. As Craig and his friends walked over to where Stan and his friends sat, all of them looking annoyed except for Tweek who just looked freaked out, Roger stepped up to the line. He leaned in and whispered something into Bebe’s ear, who gasped and smacked him across the face before stomping off.

“You guys look pissed,” Cartman noted as Craig, Tweek, Clyde, and Token sat down. Three of them glared at him.

“Yeah, no shit,” Clyde grumbled. He still had slop in his hair and dripping down his face.

“What is the problem with those guys?” Token wondered, “That Brad guy acts like he’s better than everyone just because he’s tall.”

“I know what you mean,” Kyle replied, watching in somewhat terrified confusion as the slop on his tray slowly swallowed his spoon.

“Why does that chick keep pinching me?” Tweek asked, shaking nervously, “I think she has it out for me, but I don’t know why! Gah! I haven’t done anything to her!”

Craig and Clyde exchanged confused glances. “Seriously, dude?” Clyde said, “She obviously has a-“

“No, wait!” Cartman exclaimed, cutting him off, “I wanna see him try to figure it out on his own!”

Tweek stared at him with wide eyes. “Figure what out on my own?” he asked desperately. Craig sighed and shook his head.

“Forget it, man,” he told Tweek calmly, “Cartman’s just being an ass.”

“Fuck you, Craig,” Cartman growled. Craig’s only response was to flip him off.

Their conversation ended was interrupted when Brad and his gang decided to sit at the same table as them. Stan had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. Why couldn’t they leave them alone? He was rather startled when Janet sat down beside him and smiled in his face. Spitzer sat beside Cartman and immediately started poking him in the stomach, much to Cartman’s chagrin. Elle pushed Tweek and Craig apart and sat between them before shoving Craig to the ground, and then reaching around to pinch Tweek in the back of his neck again. Roger sat at the end of the table, moping that there were no girls at the table except Janet and Elle. Brad sat beside Janet and put an arm around her, while casting a viscous glare at Stan.

“What are you losers talking about?” Brad asked them in a pompous voice.

“None of your fucking business,” Cartman growled, already at his breaking point from Spitzer poking him.

“You want I should poke ‘im more, boss?” Spitzer asked wearing the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

“Naw, Spitz, we’re just trying to have a civil conversation,” Brad said, trying to sound like he was civil, even though they all knew he wasn’t.

Stan rolled his eyes and tried to ignore them. He was just about to figure out whether or not he was brave enough to try eating the slop, when Janet leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“I’m not wearing any underwear,” she whispered to Stan in her softest voice. Stan stopped what he was doing, his eyes widened, and his fork dropped to the floor, and he totally froze up. All of his friends looked at him in confusion.

“Uh, Stan?” Kyle asked, “Are you ok?”

Stan didn’t reply as Janet continued whispering horrible, naughty things to him.

“GAH!” Tweek suddenly exclaimed, startling everyone, as he threw himself violently backwards and fell to the floor. His friends stared at him in shock as he sat up, rubbing his leg in embarrassment. “Sorry,” he muttered. He stood up and moved to sit on Craig’s other side, away from Elle. Craig didn’t react to him, but silently stared as the slop on his tray suddenly stood up and walked away.

Finally, Scout announced the end of breakfast and all the kids rushed out of the mess hall with delight and joy. The counselors led them to the middle of camp to review the camp activities for the day.

“Okay, kids,” Scout started, “Today we’re going to start with a friendly, old-fashioned hike through the woods! Won’t that be fun?”

The kids all gave him blank looks.

“All right, kiddies,” Counselor Al said, stepping forward. He paused to throw a creepy gaze over the group before continuing. “You’re going to break into groups of five. You can choose whomever you like to be in your group. Then you can go off and explore the woods.”

“Keep in mind that Scout and I, as well as the rest of the counselors will be out there in case any of you need help,” Troop Master Wendy told them, “Don’t want any of you getting lost or hurt!”

Everyone started getting into groups. As Stan and his three friends got together, Wendy came over to them.

“Is it all right if I go with you guys?” she asked.

Before Stan could eagerly reply, Cartman spoke first. “Why don’t you want to hang with your girlfriends?” he wondered in a suspicious voice.

“Because, I don’t want to have to wander around the woods with the girls, and listen to Bebe complain about getting her shoes dirty, or Red talk about her hair getting tangled, or…”

“Of course, you can come with us, Wendy!” Stan interrupted before she could go off on a tangent. Wendy immediately brightened.

“Thanks, Stan!” she said, walking over, and pressing against his side. Stan blushed a little before leading the group off into the woods.

They hadn’t gotten very far before Stan noticed that Slackjaw seemed to be following them. He tried to be inconspicuous by hiding behind trees and bushes, but it wasn’t going very well. Stan turned to his friends to warn them, but he saw that they already knew.

“Dude, that whack job is following us,” Cartman muttered.

“Well, the troop master did say the counselors would be watching us in case anything goes wrong,” Kyle pointed out.

“I hope he’s the only one following us,” Wendy added. The boys looked at her.

“(Who else would be following us?)” Kenny wondered.

“That Brad guy and his friends,” Wendy replied, “Brad has been hitting on me ever since we got here.”

“He has?” Stan asked. Why hadn’t he noticed?

“Yeah,” Wendy sighed, “It’s really annoying. I’m thinking of reporting him to the scout master. Maybe he can get him to stop.”

“I just wish all five of them could get kicked out,” Kyle said, “Then there would be one less thing to suffer through while we’re here.”

“Yeah,” Cartman agreed, “Then we could- AAARRRRRGGGHHHH!”

Cartman fell over, clutching his leg, and the others quickly ran over to him. “Cartman! Are you ok?” Kyle asked, worriedly.

“No, I’m not ok, you stupid Jew!” Cartman screamed at him, “Does it look like I’m ok?!”

“There’s no need to yell, Eric,” Wendy said calmly, “Now move your hands so we can see your leg.”

Wincing, Cartman did as he was told, and they all instantly saw the problem. A bear trap had clamped itself over Cartman’s leg and was causing him to bleed profusely. They all gaped at him.

“You walked into a bear trap, Cartman,” Stan informed him, “You’re bleeding pretty bad.”

“Well what are you assholes standing around so calmly for?!” Cartman yelled, “I need a doctor! Someone get me a medic!”

“I can help with that,” Slackjaw said, appearing instantly beside the group. “We have a doctor in this camp. He can fix this young boy right up.”

“(Really? That’s a relief!)” Kenny sighed.

The four kids carefully supported Cartman between them and helped him back to camp. Luckily, they hadn’t made it very deep into the woods yet, so they weren’t that far away. Slackjaw led them to a small wood building (the only building in the entire camp that wasn’t run down and looked like it was about to fall over) and went inside.

Inside was a fairly handsome man with long brown hair tied in a loose pony tail, a sharp face with sharp features, and wearing a doctor’s uniform. He gave them a calm smile.

“Hello, children,” he said in a voice slightly deeper than what one would expect from him, “My name is Dr. Shuu. What seems to be the problem?”

“Our friend, Cartman got caught in a bear trap,” Stan explained, as Kenny, Kyle, and Wendy led said boy over to one of the cots set up. Dr. Shuu went over to examine him.

“Hm… let’s see here,” Shuu hummed to himself. “Yes, it appears he has lost quite a lot of blood. We’ll have to amputate his leg.”

“What?” Cartman asked as Shuu reached under the bed. His eyes widened when the doctor pulled out a rather massive surgical saw. “WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” Cartman shouted.

“Wait!” Stan exclaimed, putting himself between Shuu and Cartman before Shuu could start sawing his leg off, “Don’t you think you could just remove the bear trap?”

Shuu blinked at him for a moment before sighing. “Fine!” he replied, “We’ll do it your way!” He turned to Slackjaw who was hovering over Stan. “Slackjaw, would you be a dear and bring me my tools?”

“Mmph,” Slackjaw answered. He shuffled away from Stan and over to Shuu’s desk which was in a corner of the room. He grabbed a toolbox off the desk and shuffled back over to Shuu and handed it to him.

“Thank you, nurse,” Shuu said.

“Nurse?!”

Shuu opened the tool box after examining the bear trap and pulled out a screwdriver. He carefully loosened the screws on the trap, and removed a few other parts. The trap suddenly sprang open with an audible sound.

“Freedom!” Cartman exclaimed with joy.

“There you are,” Shuu said, wiping his hands on a napkin he pulled from the toolbox, “You’re free to go.”

“Um, don’t you think you should bandage the wound so he doesn’t bleed anymore?” Stan suggested before the doctor could walk off, “And maybe a splint or crutches so he can walk?”

Shuu shot a glare at the young boy. “Who’s the doctor here?” he hissed, “I was just about to do that.”

Stan doubted that, but he didn’t argue. Dr. Shuu was a little intimidating.

As Shuu and Slackjaw worked on Cartman’s wound, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Wendy sat by the door, deemed the “waitin’ chairs” by a sign hanging over their heads, and got a better look of the place they were in.

The place was just one large room, with nearly everything in it being white. There were four hospital beds against the wall, plus some curtains in case someone need privacy. There was a small bathroom at the west end of the room, and Dr. Shuu’s desk was in the east corner. There were no decorations on the wall, and there was a single medicine cabinet near Shuu’s desk that no doubt held all sorts of different drugs and chemicals and such. The most interesting thing in the room was a bird cage hanging near the door. Noticing it, Stan got up to take a closer look at the bird.

The bird was a plump chukar partridge. It was wearing a little red tie, and tiny glasses. But it also holding a tiny scalpel in its wing, which took some of the cute factor away. A little sign in front of the cage revealed that the bird’s name was also Shuu.

“Hey guys, look at this bird,” Stan said to his friends. They got up and walked over to it.

“Is that bird holding a scalpel?” Kyle asked.

“Yes, it is.”

“That’s disturbing.”

At that moment, Cartman hobbled back over to them, his leg all wrapped up and walking with a crutch. “Let’s get out of here,” he muttered.


	5. Tall and Pointy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman is out now, and the camp is thrown into a game of capture the flag.

“Are you doing all right, Cartman?” Stan asked as he and his friends helped him limp back to his cabin, “Those pain killers helping at all?”

“Yeah,” Cartman muttered, “I’m fine.” There was a pause, then he looked at Stan. “I love you so much,” he said suddenly. Stan gave him a confused look.

“Uh, yeah,” Stan said, as they reached Cartman’s cabin, “Well, you go lie down, buddy. You’ve lost quite a bit of blood, and those pain killers will make you drowsy.”

“Okey-dokey, smokey,” Cartman replied in a slightly loopy voice. As soon as Kyle and Wendy laid him down in his bed, he started snoring.

“I think those pills the doctor gave him made him loopy,” Wendy observed.

“I kind of wish I had my phone on me so I could record that,” Kyle sighed.

The four stepped out of the cabin, and as soon as they did, they were faced with Brad and his gang. Brad did not look happy.

“What are you doing?” he snarled.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Stan hissed, “But we were just putting our friend down to sleep. His leg got caught in a bear trap.”

“That’s not right!” Spitzer blurted out, “You were supposed to get stuck in that!”

Stan’s eyes widened, and Brad hit Spitzer in the back of his head. “Spitzer, you dumbass!” he growled, “You weren’t supposed to say that out loud!”

“You put that bear trap in the woods?!” Kyle exclaimed in surprise, “Do you not realize how dangerous that is?”

Brad scoffed. “Like I care,” he sneered. “Come on, guys, let’s get out of here.” He turned on his heels and led his group away with Stan glaring after him.

“What is wrong with that guy?” he muttered, “Why does he have it out for me?”

“Who knows?” Kyle sighed.

“Did you do anything to upset him?” Wendy asked.

“Not that I know of,” Stan replied, “Maybe he’s just a big bully. And an asshole. Mostly an asshole.” He sighed and looked at his friends. “So, um, should we go back to the woods? I’m guessing everyone is still out there.”

“(Only if we don’t run into anymore bear traps,)” Kenny said.

The group of four made their way back to the woods, this time much more aware of their surroundings. They could hear the other kids off in the woods complaining about how bored they were. Stan couldn’t blame them.

He was pretty sure Brad’s gang was out there spreading more chaos among their classmates. He could just see Brad’s cruel face, ginning evilly as he set up another trap for some poor sucker to fall into. The thought made him shudder.

“You all right, Stan?” Kyle asked, noticing his friend shiver.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” Stan answered, “I’m just still wondering about that bear trap. Why was I supposed to fall into that trap?”

“I don’t know man,” Kyle replied honestly, “Let’s just try and forget about it for now.”

“Yeah,” Wendy agreed, “Let’s just forget about it and enjoy… um… the nice…” She trailed off, unable to think of any enjoyable thing about the camp.

…

After everyone had returned from the hike (with Tweek twitching furiously, and Craig looking like he had been shoved into a bush, which he had), they had some free time to do whatever they wanted. Stan decided to take the time to try to avoid Brad. Everywhere he looked, it seemed the guy was there, watching him. Or maybe he was hallucinating?

Stan decided to sit in the mess hall, writing a letter to his parents describing how much he already hated it here. His friends were off doing who knows what, but Stan didn’t mind being alone at the moment. Just as he was describing how creepy Counselor Al was, he felt someone sit beside him and looked up.

“Hey, Stan,” Janet greeted him in a seductive voice. Stan jumped a little.

“Oh, hey Janet,” he muttered, “Um, where’s Brad?” Surely Brad wouldn’t let his girlfriend out of his sight?

She leaned in, putting her head on her hand and smiling sweetly. “I don’t know,” she said in a slow, teasing voice, “What am I? His keeper?” She giggled a little, as if that was the most original line ever.

Stan inched away from her. “Well, I really would rather be a lone right now, so…”

“Don’t worry,” she said immediately, “I’ll keep you company!” Completely missing the point of being alone. Stan could already tell this was a bad idea.

As Stan continued writing, he felt Janet’s eyes on him. They never left his face, and it was making him extremely uncomfortable. Eventually, he had to stop.

“You know what?” he said, standing quickly, “I’m going to go find my friends. They’re probably looking for me.”

Janet smiled at him, batting her eyelashes. “Mm, if you say so,” she cooed. Stan immediately ran out of the building before Janet decided to do something.

Stan found Kenny and Kyle near the cabins. They were sitting in front of Kenny’s cabin, chatting with each other. They looked up as Stan approached and waved him over. Stan gratefully accepted the invitation.

“Hey, where were you at?” Kyle wondered.

“I was in the mess hall, writing a letter to home,” Stan explained, sitting down next to him, “I left because Janet came in.”

“That’s understandable,” Kyle admitted.

“(We checked on Cartman,)” Kenny told him, “(He’s still out cold.)”

“He’ll probably miss the next activity,” Kyle added.

“What is the next activity?” Stan wondered.

“Fuck if I know,” was the reply.

Before they could talk anymore, Scout’s voice rang out over the camp.

“All righty campers! Gather around the Meeting circle for our next fun-filled camp activity!” he ordered in that voice of his.

“Yeah, fun filled,” Stan repeated sarcastically, “Because the last few have just been oodles of excitement.”

Craig and his friends were the first to arrive along with Stan, Kenny, and Kyle. Craig and Clyde sat down near the flag pole, while Tweek stood by, twitching nervously. Stan thought the four of them looked rather irritated by something, and was going to ask about it, but then he decided not to. When didn’t Craig and his gang look irritated?

Kyle, however, was a bit more considerate than Stan was. “What’s eating you guys?” he asked them.

Clyde let out a hefty sigh. “That Brad guy was annoying us again,” he answered, “He was throwing rocks at us, and that Spitzer guy dumped a bucket of old mop water on us.”

“We just barely had enough time to get cleaned up,” Token muttered, “They wasted our brief time of freedom.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyle said, truly pitying them. Besides dumping them in the lake, Brad hadn’t done anything as bad as that to them yet.

The other kids started to gather around, and soon they were joined by the counselors. Scout beamed at the group. Apparently, he was quite proud of the next activity.

“Okay, kids, we’re going to play a game of Capture the Flag! Yay!” he tried to get them excited, but his news was met with blank stares. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “In case you don’t know the rules, Troop Master Wendy here will explain. Wendy?”

“Thanks Scout Master Scout!” Wendy exclaimed, “The rules of capture the flag are very simple! You will be divided into two teams and be given a flag. One team will have the main camp area as their turf, and the other team will have the cabins. The object of the game is to get the other team’s flag and bring back to your side without getting caught! If the other team catches you on their turf, then you get sent to their jail, and cannot get out until someone on your team frees you! The game ends either when the flag is captured, or everyone on one team is out.”

“Our two team captains will pick their teams and then we can start,” Scout concluded, “Okay, um, how about Stan and Brad as our team captains?”

Sighing, Stan was pushed to the front to stand in front of the group along with Brad. He didn’t really want this kind of pressure. It was making him nervous, and oh God, he was turning into Tweek.

Slackjaw shuffled over to the two. “Stan,” he said “Why don’t you go –“

“BRAD WILL GO FIRST!” Guy interrupted loudly. Slackjaw glared at him, but didn’t say anything to object.

“Heh, I get to go first?” Brad sneered, “Sweet. I pick Wendy.”

Stan could hear a muttered “Dammit!” from Wendy as she stormed over to stand beside Brad. She rolled her eyes as he wiggled his eyebrows at her. Stan sighed. So much for getting to spend time with his girlfriend. But at least he still had his best friend.

“Kyle,” he called. Kyle nodded and went to stand beside his friend. Stan briefly thought about stealing one of Brad’s friends just to annoy him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Brad of course chose his four gang members and Stan got to choose Kenny and Butters. He decided to put Craig on his team (and he was going to put the rest of Craig’s friends on his team), but as soon as Craig walked over to Stan, Brad gave them a nasty smile and called Tweek over to his team. Craig glared at him and flipped him off as Elle put an arm around the twitchy blonde’s shoulders. Brad also got Token before Stan could call him.

Eventually the two teams were evenly divided (well, Brad’s team got one more member than Stan’s team because Cartman was out of the game.) After the teams were together, Scout stood in front of them.

“Okay campers, here we have a map of how we’ve divided the camp,” he explained while handing a map to both Stan and Brad, “Brad’s team has the main camp area and Stan’s team gets the cabins. You have five minutes to hide your flag and decide where your jail is, then meet back here.”

Counselor Guy blew a loud whistle, dismissing the teams. The group split up and headed towards their respective areas.

“So, where should we hide the flag?” Stan asked his team as they headed towards the cabins, “And is it illegal to just bail on this and run away?”

“I’m pretty sure it is,” Kyle pointed out.

“We could hide it in one of the cabins,” Butters suggested, “Which ever one is furthest away.”

“Wow, Butters, that’s actually a pretty good idea,” Heidi said. She had been one of the few girls Stan had managed to call for his team, as Roger had been encouraging Brad to pick all the girls. Besides Heidi, Bebe and Nichole were the only girls on Stan’s team.

“Thanks,” Butters replied, blushing a little, “I come up with a good one once in a while.”

“Okay, Butters and Kenny, take the flag and go hide it in cabin number ten,” Stan ordered, “That’s the furthest one away. And don’t touch my stuff.” He added, remembering that cabin ten was his cabin.

“(Got it,)” Kenny said, taking the flag and leading Butters away.

“Okay, so now where do we put the jail?” Stan wondered.

“It’s got to be somewhere away from the middle line, but not too close to the flag,” Clyde pointed out.

“What about at the edge of the woods?” Nichole suggested.

“No way!” Clyde replied in a panicked voice, “There might be bears in the woods!” Craig rolled his eyes at his friend and nudged him in the side.

Everyone looked around, trying to find a better place. “How about over there between cabins two and three?” Kyle suggested, “It’s out of the way and easy to guard. Plus, you can’t see it from the middle of camp.”

“I guess that’s a good of place as any,” Stan replied. He walked over to the area Kyle had suggested and picked up a stick from the ground. He drew to lines in the ground to mark the jail.

After Kenny and Butters returned, the team went back to the middle of camp. The other team was already waiting. Stan couldn’t help but notice Tweek twitching like mad, as if he was a mere tick away from blurting out the location of his team’s flag. Luckily, Token had a hand on his shoulder to keep him calm. He was also standing between Tweek and Elle, and Stan heard Craig let out a small sigh of relief beside him.

“Okay campers!” Scout called, addressing them all. “When I say go, you will go back to your areas and devise a strategy. And then the game will start!”

“Why didn’t we just stay in our areas?” Wendy asked.

Scout ignored her. “Ready?” he said dramatically, “GO!”

The two teams quickly ran off. The game was on.


	6. Flag Capturing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game of Capture the Flag commences! Who will win, Stan's team or Brad's team?

“So, what’s our strategy, Stan?” Kyle asked when they got to their turf.

“Um, get the flag and don’t get caught?” Stan replied.

“Good plan,” Butters said.

Stan looked around at his team. He really didn’t want to be the one who had to command these kids. He felt like he was bossing them around.

“Er, ok, Craig and Clyde, go guard the jail,” Stan ordered, “Kenny and Bebe go guard the flag. Then half of us will stay on this side and hide out in case the other team comes along, and the other half will go after the other team’s flag.”

“Ok, so what’s our motivation here?” Kyle wondered.

That Stan knew. “Win, so we can rub Brad’s stupid nose in it,” he replied, grinning.

“I like this plan,” Heidi said, nodding, “I’m excited to be a part of it.”

They all split up after deciding who would stay and who would go after the flag. Stan led his group over to where the territories met. They silently snuck over, and then all hell broke loose. Brad and most of his team jumped out of some nearby bushes, and everyone scattered.

Stan quickly hid himself along one of the buildings, pressing as close as he could. Hell be damned if he was going to be the first one caught. He carefully peeked his head out to observe the situation.

The clearing was empty now, but he couldn’t be entirely sure there wasn’t someone waiting to ambush him. He would have to be careful. He could only hope Kyle’s team was doing better.

…

Kyle was silently stalking Spitzer. He didn’t want to alert the taller boy to his presence, because Kyle knew he would easily outrun him. No, he had to ambush him. He was hiding beside one of the cabins as Spitzer crawled around on all fours, sniffing the ground like some sort of animal. Kyle looked up and spotted Heidi behind a tree across from him. She nodded, and Kyle nodded back.

Slowly, Heidi snuck forward out of her hiding place, tip-toeing towards Spitzer. Suddenly, she stepped on a branch and Spitzer looked up, spotting her. Letting out a screeching battle cry, Spitzer took off running, but Kyle was ready. He jumped out from the side of the building, tackling Spitzer as he ran past. Kyle sat up, grinning down triumphantly.

“You’re out!” he declared.

Spitzer glared up at the smaller boy, and grumbled as he was led over to the jail. Craig and Clyde sneered at him as he folded his arms and stood in the middle, pouting quietly to himself.

Well, that was one down. Lord knows how many more were out there. Kyle went over to Heidi and high-fived her before the two went off to make sure there was no one else around.

…

Stan was by the mess hall now, which was the furthest building away from the dividing line. He wouldn’t put it past Brad to hide the flag in the mess hall, maybe near that scary chef, but first he wanted to check the outside. He came around the back of the building and was surprised to see Tweek crouching there, shivering. Concerned, Stan walked over to him.

“Hey Tweek, are you ok?” Stan asked in his quietest, most soothing voice as to not startle the twitchy blond.

It didn’t work.

“GAH! Please don’t make me play!” Tweek shouted, covering his face with his hands, “T-Too much PRESSURE!”

“It’s ok, Tweek!” Stan said quickly, trying to calm him down. He didn’t want to get caught by all the yelling. “It’s just me! It’s just Stan!”

Tweek carefully peeked out from his hands and saw him. He let out a huge sigh of relief. “Oh. I thought you were Brad,” he muttered.

Stan walked over and sat down next to him. “Are you all right?” he asked.

Tweek’s eyes darted wildly around himself. “N-No,” he replied, twitching, “GAH! I don’t want to do this! It’s way too much pressure! What if I mess up? ARGH! What if I accidentally blurt out where the flag is?” Stan watched as Tweek grew more and more panicked. “OH GOD! What if Brad forces me to chase Craig? I can’t do that! He’ll hate me!”

“I’m pretty sure Craig understands this is all just a stupid game,” Stan tried to reason. But it was pretty obvious Tweek wasn’t listening.

“AGH! He’s going to make me have to capture Craig!” Tweek shouted, not even trying to lower his voice, “Then I’ll accidentally hurt him! Then he’ll be mad at me! Then he’ll beat me up! And then he- “ Stan interrupted him the only way he could think of: by grabbing him by the collar and slapping him across the face. Tweek stopped shouting and blinked several times.

“Ok, first of all, I have Craig guarding the jail,” Stan explained calmly, “He’s not going for the flag, so you don’t have to worry about that. Second, no one’s forcing you to do anything. I’m pretty sure Brad wouldn’t even realize you aren’t playing.”

Tweek stared at him as his shaking started to die down. He took a deep breath to calm himself. “Right,” he breathed, “M-Maybe if I just stay back here, n-no one will know.”  
“Well, I won’t tell anyone,” Stan promised. He stood up, brushing himself off. “Well, I’d better get back to the game. See ya, Tweek.”

“Stan, wait!” Tweek called. Stan stopped and looked at him. Tweek looked around, as if someone was spying on them. “Brad sort of cheated when he hid our flag,” he said in a low voice, “He buried it behind Scout’s office, because he didn’t think anyone would look there anyway.”

Stan smiled. “Thanks, Tweek,” he said. Then he dashed off, sticking to the shadows.

…

“Can I come out now?” Spitzer asked for the billionth time, as he nudged Craig. Craig rolled his eyes but didn’t respond. Spitzer nudged him again. “Please?”

“There you go, Kevin,” Kyle said as he led the captured victim over to the jail, “There’s the jail right there.” Kevin hesitated when he saw Spitzer.

“Er, can I just wait out here?” he asked, “I promise I won’t cheat and run away!”

“No,” Kyle stated firmly, “Get in.”

Kevin groaned but did as he was told and went over to stand next to Spitzer. As soon as he did, Spitzer started obnoxiously poking him in the head. Kevin sighed and desperately hoped someone else would be captured soon.

…

“Don’t you think it’s kind of stupid to send in only one person at a time?” Wendy asked Brad. Almost the entirety of the team were waiting and hiding in a patch of trees. Brad had been sending one person at a time to the other team’s side, while a few others patrolled their own territory.

“Nope!” Brad proclaimed proudly, “This is a great plan! That idiot will no doubt send his entire team over here, and we’ll ambush those losers! Meanwhile, sending one person at a time over there will ensure they’re not noticed.”

“That’s really stupid,” Wendy pointed out.

“I’m a genius,” Brad claimed, not listening.

…

Half of Brad’s team had been captured now, including Roger and Elle, and Craig and Clyde stood next to each other, staring at the jail with concern.

“We’re gonna need a bigger jail,” Clyde observed.

“Yeah, I didn’t think we would keep easily catching his team,” Craig agreed, watching as Kyle brought Red over to the jail.

“It’s like he’s sending people one at a time,” Kyle muttered as he walked off again. As he returned to the main area of the cabins, he was surprised to see Wendy walking towards him, not even trying to be stealthy.

“Hey Kyle,” she greeted, “Brad sent me over, and he’s an idiot, so I just figured I’d get myself out.” She held out her wrist. Kyle stared at her.

“Oh, please don’t tell me he’s actually sending only one at a time,” he begged. Wendy blinked at him. Kyle sighed. “Ok, come with me. Jail’s right over here.”

…

Stan was rather confused, and just a bit troubled. Where the heck was Brad’s team? He clearly saw his own team walking around in the open looking for the flag, but no one was stopping them. Was it a trap of some sorts? What was going on?

Deciding to take a chance, Stan carefully made his way over to Scout’s office and crept around the back. He saw a dirt patch that looked like it had been dug up recently. Stan went over quickly swept the dirt away. There was the flag, right where Tweek said it would be. Stan paused before he grabbed it and looked around. It couldn’t be that easy, right?

No one was around. No one was jumping on him, or leaping out of the bushes yelling about how he had fallen right into their trap. Stan picked up the flag and stood up. He cautiously tip-toed around to the front of the building.

“Guys!” he hissed to his team, “I’ve got the flag!”

His away team quickly ran over to him and surrounded him. Yup, it was the flag all right. Everyone grinned triumphantly and Stan started to lead the way back to the start. However, they all stopped and turned to see Janet sitting on the stoop of the mess hall. The group stared as she looked up from her cell phone. No one said anything. Then she went back to her cell phone. Stan simply shrugged.

“Come on,” he said, “Let’s get this flag to Scout so we can end this stupid game.”

“NOOOOO!” came a shout from the bushes. Startled, Stan and his team looked to see Brad emerging from behind a tree.

“How did you get my flag?” he snarled, “It was the perfect hiding place! And where’d my team go?”

“I don’t know, Brad,” Stan said, unable to stop himself from smirking, “Where did your team go?”

Brad glared at him and charged forward. Stan’s eyes widened and he and his team took off running. They quickly ran to the starting point where Stan noticed Kyle and the rest of the team were waiting. Stan didn’t pause and dashed across the line, bringing the game to a close as Brad let out a cinematic cry of defeat.

Slackjaw shuffled forward. “The winner is… Stan’s team. Whatever,” he muttered.

“We won!” Kyle cried triumphantly and the entire team burst into cheering. Stan noticed the entirety of Brad’s team slinking out of the forest towards them. Wait, had they caught all of them? How was Brad’s strategy that bad? At one point he saw that Tweek had rejoined them and his arms wrapped around Craig’s neck in a tight hug.

“How did we manage to capture all of Brad’s team?” Stan asked Kyle as the team celebrated around them.

“Simple,” Kyle replied, “He only sent one person into our territory at a time. It was pretty easy to catch them. Brad’s a moron.”

“Boy, I’ll say,” Stan muttered. He couldn’t help but notice Brad glaring at him from across the clearing.


	7. Mount Herandcum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The campers go hiking up an inappropriately named mountain.

Before any other camp activities could resume, Stan decided to check in on Cartman really quick. When he came into Cartman’s room, he was sitting up in his bed, happily clapping his hands, and quietly singing to himself. As soon as he saw Stan, he lit up.

“Staaaaaaan!” he sang out, “How are ya, buddy?”

“Um, fine,” Stan replied, a little put out, “And how are you doing? Those painkillers still working?”

“Oh, they’re working fiiiiiiiiine,” Cartman answered in a slow, rhythmic voice, “I feel like I’m up in the sky! Flying high! And something else that rhymes with sky!”

“All right, you should probably get some more rest,” Stan advised, “That injury is no joke. I’m sure you’ll start to feel better tomorrow.”

“You know what’s best, chief!” Cartman said as Stan gently laid him back down. He was out almost instantly.

Sighing, Stan left him to go rejoin the others. Kyle, Kenny, and Butters met him as he walked over. “So, how is he?” Butters asked, concerned.

“Just as loopy as ever,” Stan replied, “I think those painkillers the doctor gave him are a little too strong. He was clapping and singing when I went in there.”

“Ugh! Why didn’t you record that?!” Kyle whined, “I want to lord this over him for the rest of his miserable life!”

Stan shrugged. “Sorry,” he said simply.

“(So, now that that’s out of the way, I wonder Mister Funless has planned next for us,)” Kenny mused. He was answered when Scout’s voice rang out over the speaker.

“Attention all campers!” he said in that annoying voice, “Please report to the circle for our next fun camp activity!”

“Don’t we ever get a break for more than five minutes to do what we want?” Kyle complained as the four of them made their way to the middle of camp. Most of the other kids were already gathered there. They only had to wait a few more minutes before everyone was there. Scout Master Scout looked more excited than ever.

“Good after noon, campers!” he greeted, “Who’s up for a little hike? We’re going to go for a hike around Mount Herandcum!”

As the campers all stared, Kyle leaned over to Stan. “I’m not the only one hearing these names, right?” he asked, “It’s not just me?”

Before Stan could answer him, another kid spoke up.

“When do we get lunch?” he wondered.

“Right after we scale Mount Herandcum!” Scout replied enthusiastically.

“Ok, I want to go home,” Stan muttered to Kyle. He did not want to go hiking up an inappropriately named mountain.

The kids were led out of camp towards the rather small mountain. At least small for Colorado. No one except Scout looked excited, not even the other counselors. Even Troop Master Wendy who always had a smile on her face looked a little put out as they entered the woods towards the mountain. As they walked, Scout started singing some obnoxious camp song that absolutely no one joined in on.

Wendy fell back to walk alongside Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. “Didn’t we just do a walking activity this morning?” she wondered, “That’s how Eric got his foot caught in the bear trap, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Stan replied, “I feel like we’re going to do a lot of walking while we’re here.”

“(Ugh, that sucks,)” Kenny moaned, “(I hate walking.)”

“Yeah, it’s like they’re trying to get us in shape or something,” Kyle complained, “How dare they!” Wendy couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not.

As they walked along (or shuffled along in Slackjaw’s case), Scout blathered on about random forest stuff that none of the kids were paying attention to. They were either talking to each other, or concentrating on not tripping over something. Counselor Al was weaving between the kids, giving them creepy smiles, or occasionally putting a hand on their shoulder when speaking to them.

Stan was rather disturbed when Al came over to him and his friends, and leaned over to get uncomfortably close to them.

“Enjoying the hike, kiddies?” he asked in an overly happy voice, “I’m sure you’re all getting nice and well-toned. Maybe a little sweaty, your sweat running down your tiny bodies…” He licked his lips before walking over to a different group of kids.

“That guy scares me,” Kyle admitted when he was out of hearing range.

“Oh good, I’m not the only one, then,” Stan sighed.

As they continued walking, they started passing many different plants and berries. Stan pretty sure he heard Scott said something about not eating the berries, but he was so bored and tired he couldn’t concentrate.

“I hope we go back to camp soon,” Stan complained, “I’m starting to get really hungry.”

“(Me too,)” Kenny agreed, “(I would even be willing to eat that chef’s slop at this point.)” There was a growl from his stomach as if to emphasize the point.

“You guys should try these bright red berries,” Kevin said, walking up to them with a handful of them, “They’re really good!”

“Uh, are you sure you should be eating those?” Wendy questioned, “They might be poisonous.”

Kevin scoffed. “I’m sure it’s fi-“ he was cut off when he suddenly spewed all over the ground. Stan and his friends quickly backed away in disgust.

“Told ya,” Wendy muttered.

“Hey Scout Master Scout!” Stan called to the front of the group, “Kevin’s throwing up!”

There was a chorus of “ews!” as Scout made his way over to them. “Oh dear,” he tsked, “Now Kevin, you weren’t listening when I said those berries were poisonous, were you?”

Kevin replied with more vomit. Scout sighed and tsked-tsked. “Slackjaw, will you escort these two boys to the doctor?” he requested, gesturing to Kevin and Stan.

Before Stan could blurt out “Why do I have to go?” Slackjaw muttered, “Whatever.” He started shuffling off with Stan and Kevin following behind. Stan supposed he shouldn’t complain. It got him out of this lousy hike.

It didn’t take as long to get down the mountain as it did to get up it. Slackjaw led the way to Dr. Shuu’s office. When they entered, Stan was a little surprised to see Cartman was there asleep.

“Ah, Slackjaw,” Shuu greeted, slinking out from behind his desk, “Brought for me another victim, have you?”

“Yup,” Slackjaw answered simply.

When Stan realized the counselor wasn’t going to say anything else, he figured he would have to explain. “Kevin ate these bright red berries on the mountain,” he said to the doctor, “And now he won’t stop throwing up.”

Shuu looked at Stan, then looked at Kevin, who looked to be desperately holding back more bile. He walked over to his desk and got a bucket from underneath it and came back over to them, setting the bucket down in front of Kevin. The kid let all loose into the bucket.

“There you go,” Shuu said, turning away.

“That’s it?” Stan wondered, “That’s all you’re going to do for him?”

“Oh, no,” Shuu replied, his back still turned, “The boy has toxins in his body. Obviously we’ll have to euthanize him.”

Stan and Kevin jolted. “Euthanize?” Kevin repeated in the brief moment he wasn’t throwing up, “As in put down? Like an unwanted dog?”

“Yup,” Shuu answered, “Just like that.” He turned back around to face them, holding a large needle. “Don’t worry, this’ll only hurt for a few seconds, and then it’ll all be over.”

Kevin squeaked with fear and hid behind Stan.

“Do you really think that’s necessary?” Stan asked nervously, “He didn’t eat very much. I think he just needs to keep throwing up to get it out of his systems. Maybe drink some water.”

Shuu glared at him. “I’m sorry, are you a doctor?” he growled. Stan blinked at him.

“No,” he replied.

“Then shut up,” Shuu snapped. He turned to Slackjaw. “Nurse, get this boy some water.”

Grumbling, Slackjaw shuffled off to fetch the water. In the moment of silence, Stan decided to get some clarity.

“Why is Cartman here?” he asked, gesturing to his sleeping friend.

“Hm? Oh, his pain pills wore off,” Shuu explained, “He wouldn’t stop complaining about the pain, so I shut him up.”

“He’s still alive, right?” Kevin questioned as he hunched over the bucket.

“Of course, he’s still alive!” Shuu hissed, “What do you think I am? A psychopath?”

“A little,” Stan answered honestly.

Before anyone could say anything else, Slackjaw came back with the water and handed it to Kevin. Luckily, by this time Kevin had mostly stopped throwing up and gulped the water down thirstily.

“Good,” Shuu said, “You’re going to have to rest here for a while, so I can monitor you.”

Kevin gave Stan a nervous look, then looked at Shuu. “Do I have to?” he wondered, “I’m feeling a lot better…”

“Yes!” Shuu barked at him, “Lay down!”

Kevin yelped with fear and quickly ran over to one of the beds and hopped up onto it. He closed his eyes, trying to look like he was resting. Once he did, Shuu turned to Stan and Slackjaw.

“You two may leave now,” he said, “I assure you that these two are in mostly capable hands.”

That didn’t make Stan feel the slightest hopeful, but he was already being ushered out of the building. When they came out, Stan could see Scout and the others emerging from the forest and relief flooded over him. The idea of being alone with Slackjaw for any period of time did not appeal to him.

“And that, campers, is the majesty of Mount Herandcum!” Scout was saying as they walked towards them.

“Stop saying that!” Kyle muttered. Stan quickly ran over to his friends, who greeted him cheerfully. “Hey dude! How’s Kevin?”

“He’s fine,” Stan replied, “I think he mostly got it out of his system. He’s just resting now. The doctor wanted to euthanize him though.”

“(Really?)” Kenny asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Stan nodded, “He’s kind of crazy.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Kyle advised, “He might murder you in your sleep.”

It was then announced that there would be a break for lunch, for which Stan and his friends were grateful. All the kids rushed into the mess hall. They had no idea what they were having for lunch, but it looked a lot better than what they had for breakfast. Because at least it wasn’t unidentifiable slop.

When Stan sat down, Kyle didn’t even get the chance to start to sit next to him before Janet rushed over and sat down next to Stan. He shuddered as she pressed right up against him.

“Hey Stan,” she greeted in an overly flirtatious voice.

“Hey,” Stan muttered in reply. He looked over at Kyle for help, and desperately wished he not chosen to sit at the end of the table. Kyle simply gave him a sorry look and a shrug and sat down across from him.

Kenny sat next to Kyle, and Stan looked around and saw that Brad had dragged Wendy to sit with him at a different table. She threw a look at Stan that screamed “Help me!” He could only give her a pity look.

Sighing, Stan glanced around the rest of the room. Spitzer was sitting on top of one of the tables, with his feet in Butters’s face, munching on his lunch. Tweek and Craig were sitting across from Clyde and Token until Elle came over and dragged Craig from his seat. Craig desperately tried to hold onto the bench, but Elle was too strong for him and pulled him off, shoving him to the ground before taking his place next to Tweek. Tweek was staring in horror at Craig until Elle reached around and pinched him in the back of his neck. Tweek let out a screech and flew backwards out his seat. Shaking, he quickly went over to where Craig was still on the ground.

Stan would have continued watching the others, but he suddenly felt Janet’s breath on his neck. Shivering, he slowly turned to her and was startled to see her right in his face. She smiled at him and batted her eyelashes.

“What’s the matter?” she asked in her flirty voice, “You seem nervous about something.”

“Well, you are right in my face,” Stan muttered, leaning away from her.

Janet let out a cutesy laugh. “You’re cute,” she cooed.

Stan’s eyes quickly flashed over to Kyle. Help me! He pleaded to him. Kyle looked around, trying to find some way to save his friend, but he found nothing. So instead he gave him a pitying look. Stan sighed as he felt Janet lean in closer, and he continued to lean away.

He underestimated how much room he had left on the bench, however, and fell to the floor with a thud. Kyle immediately leapt from his seat and crouched down next to his friend to make sure he was ok.

“Ow,” Stan muttered.


	8. Scavengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids go on a stupid scavenger hunt, and Craig goes missing.

As soon as lunch was over, Scout had yet another activity for them. It annoyed everyone. Couldn’t they just have the rest of the day to do whatever? Why were there so many mandatory activities?

“Gather around kids!” Scout called, “Our next fun activity is a scavenger hunt! Ooh!”

“That sounds stupid and boring,” Kyle commented.

“And really lame, too,” Clyde agreed.

“It’s not very original either,” Token added.

“Sounds like a lot of effort for nothing,” Pete groaned.

“Now, now, children,” Counselor Al cooed in an overtly sexual voice, “You haven’t even tried it yet! We sat there for hours coming up with riddles for all you darlings!”

“Yeah, so can it, you little shits!” Slackjaw hissed. Immediately, everyone shut up.

“Okey-doekey, kiddies!” Troop Master Wendy exclaimed, “Grab a partner and come get a list, then start hunting!”

“You annoy me,” Slackjaw informed her.

“Thanky, Slackjaw!” she smiled stupidly, “I like you too!”

Stan stood frozen in his place, not knowing whether to choose Kyle or Wendy as his partner. He was saved from having to choose, however, when Kyle started to approach him, Kenny came seemingly out of nowhere.

“(Kyle, you’re with me,)” he said, grabbing Kyle around the middle and slinging him over his shoulder in an unusual show of strength. Kyle sighed with defeat.

“I guess that leaves you and me, Stan,” Wendy said, trying not to laugh at the annoyed look on Kyle’s face as Kenny carried him over to the counselors to get their list.

Stan smiled gently at her. “I guess so,” he replied, taking her hand.

Over with Craig’s gang, they were currently trying to decide how to split the group.

“We could do something different and not obvious for a change,” Token suggested, “Like, I could pair with Tweek.”

“No!” Craig objected. He wrapped his arms around Tweek, who yelped in surprise. “Mine!” He lifted Tweek off his feet and carried him away.

Clyde stared after them, then turned to Token. “Were you implying that you didn’t want to pair up with me?” he accused. Token gave him a nervous grin.

Once everyone had a partner and a list, Scout spoke up again. “All right, children!” he called out, “You can begin your search now! First one back with everything on their list gets a prize!”

At the mention of a prize, everyone scattered excitedly, suddenly much more enthusiastic about the hunt. As Stan and Wendy walked, they read over the list. Of course, they were all riddles, because why not?

“I have a feeling this is going to be really annoying,” Stan muttered. Wendy gave him a gentle nudge.

“Cheer up,” she encouraged, “At least there’s only ten items on the list. And the riddles don’t look very hard.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Stan admitted. Wendy smiled and took his hand and led the way into the forest, where a lot of the other groups were.

“Kenny, you can put me down now,” Stan heard Kyle’s voice somewhere to the right. “My legs aren’t broken or anything.” He sounded irritated.

“(Whatever you say, your majesty,)” Kenny replied, emerging from the bushes beside them. “(Oh, hey guys! Find anything yet?)”

“Nah,” Stan said, “We haven’t even solved the first riddle yet. But that’s mostly because we haven’t really tried to.”

Kenny leaned over to look at their list. “(Huh, yours is different than ours,)” he commented, “(Probably to prevent cheating.)”

“Kenny, seriously, put me down,” Kyle growled at him. Kenny, as if suddenly remembering he was there, slung Kyle off his shoulder and put his feet on the ground. Kyle glared at him. “Thank you,” he hissed.

“I’ve got it!” Wendy exclaimed suddenly, startling the three boys, “I got the first answer, Stan! Let’s go!” She grabbed Stan’s hand and started dragging him away.

“Uh, ok. Bye guys!” Stan called to them.

…

The sun was starting to set on the camp, but no one had come back yet. It was one thing to just find objects, but they also had to figure out what they had to collect. And the riddles ranged in difficulty from “it’s hard and gray,” to full blown poetry. And some of the things some of the groups had to collect were ridiculous. Where was a kid supposed to find an empty gasoline canister that specifically stated it was from Chicago in the middle of a camp in Colorado?!

Stan reflected on this, thankful that he and Wendy didn’t have anything too ridiculous on their list. They were currently trying to find a maple leaf that looked like Elvis Presley’s face. Just as Stan was thinking about just ripping up a leaf to match the shape, he and Wendy heard shouting in the distance.

“What is that?” Wendy asked.

Before Stan could answer, the yelling was right on top of them, and Tweek burst out of some nearby bushes, screaming, and slammed into Stan, crashing them both to the ground.

“Tweek?!” Stan exclaimed as the blond twitched and spasmed violently on top of him, “What’s the matter? Where’s Craig?”

“GAH!” Tweek shouted, “Craig! He was there! And now he’s not here! Yelling! AH! And a pinch! Like a magician or something! Help!”

“Tweek, calm down, we can’t understand you,” Wendy said in a soothing voice as she helped him and Stan to their feet. As Stan brushed himself off, Tweek was shaking even more than normal and was muttering to himself. “Now, slow down and calmly tell us what’s wrong.”

Breathing hard, Tweek clutched his chest and tried to calm himself. He took several long, deep breaths before responding. “Ok, so me and Craig were walking, looking for the stuff on the list,” he began, “Well, I guess we were more just walking, ‘cuz Craig didn’t really care. I think Craig was getting annoyed with me a little because I was kind of talking a lot, and I didn’t really know if he was listening or not, because Craig does that sometimes. He just stares off into the distance while I talk and-“

“Tweek!” Stan cut off his rambling, “Just get to the point already!” Craig must secretly be a saint to be able to listen to Tweek and not go crazy.

“Sorry,” Tweek muttered, “Well we were walking, I heard a shout, and then Craig just wasn’t there anymore!”

Wendy cocked her head in confusion. “That’s… odd,” she said, “He just disappeared?”

“Yes!” Tweek exclaimed.

“Calm down,” Stan warned, “Can you take us to where you last saw him?”

Tweek twitched once and nodded. He turned and led the way back towards where he came from. Stan and Wendy followed closely behind. As they walked, Tweek’s eyes kept darting all around him as if he feared something might pop out at them. Though Stan couldn’t really blame him. This forest was creepy.

Eventually, Tweek came to a stop beside two trees and a long line of shrubs and bushes. “Here!” he told them, “This is where I last saw Craig!”

Stan and Wendy walked over and started carefully looking around. There didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. Except…

“Do you guys hear running water?” Stan asked. The three of them listened closely. Sure enough, there was the faint sound of running water.

“Is there a river near here?” Wendy questioned.

“I don’t know,” Stan replied. He walked over to the line of shrubbery and carefully parted it. He immediately had to take a step back as not even an inch beyond, the ground fell away into steep incline. Being a bit more careful this time, Stan crouched down and peered over the edge again.

The ground sloped down quite a way, covered in grass and shrubs. Stan could see some broken branches and flattened flowers and shrubs. At the bottom of the slope, it even out a few feet and gave way into a small river. Leaning over just a bit more and squinting really hard, Stan could see something blue at the bank of the river. It wasn’t moving.

“Oh my God!” Stan exclaimed. Without any explanation, Stan braced himself and carefully started sliding down the hill, ignoring Tweek and Wendy’s shouts. He probably could’ve found a safer way down, but he didn’t want to take more time to find one. At one point he started to go too fast and had to dig his fingers into the ground to slow himself. It hurt like hell. But finally, he made it to the bottom and quickly ran over to the figure.

Craig was laying on his side, his back to the river, and his face contorted with pain. His were squeezed shut, and his breathing was stiff. He was unconscious.


	9. Crazy Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Craig?!

Stan walked over to Craig and crouched down next to him, checking for signs of injury. He didn’t see any blood, but he didn’t want to move him in case he hurt him further. As he carefully walked around him, seeing if there were any visible injuries, he suddenly heard a shout.

“CRAIG!” Tweek exclaimed as he ran over to them. Stan watched in surprise as Tweek dropped to his knees in front of Craig, a horrified expression on his face.

“How did you guys get down here so fast?” Stan wondered, turning to Wendy who was coming up behind him.

“We took the stairs,” she explained, gesturing to a long set of stone steps that ran up the length of the slope. Stan face palmed in embarrassment.

“Okay, here’s what we’ll do,” Stan said quickly, “Tweek, you stay here with Craig, while Wendy and I go back to camp and get help. All right?”

Tweek looked scared for a moment. “S-Stay here?” he repeated, “All by myself?”

“Glad you understand,” Stan replied, not having the time to try to calm Tweek down, “Come on, Wendy.” He and Wendy quickly took off to the stairs, leaving Tweek behind.

Shivering, Tweek sat down next to Craig, who was still unconscious. He wanted to put his arms around him, to make sure he was warm, but at the same time, he didn’t want to touch him in case he hurt his boyfriend more. Tweek pulled his knees up to his chest, and tried not to let his fear get the best of him.

The only sound that could be heard was the sound of the running river. Tweek almost immediately lost track on how much time had passed, and he was worried that it was going to start getting dark soon. Then it would take longer for Stan and Wendy to find him again. And that meant it would be longer before Craig got any help. They might end up staying out here all night! And then Craig would freeze to death! Then Tweek would be sad! And then-

Tweek let out a frightened yelp when he heard a sudden groan. Looking down, he saw that Craig was finally stirring, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Craig,” Tweek whispered to him, “A-Are y-you okay? Please s-say you’re all right!”

Another groan, and Craig’s eyes opened. His eyes were unfocused for a moment before he looked up at the blonde’s face. “Tweek?” he said, weakly.

Tweek sighed. “Oh thank God,” he muttered, “Are you ok, Craig?”

Craig grunted and tried to sit up, but when he did, he gasped loudly and fell back down, moaning with pain. “No,” he replied, “I think my arm is broken or something. And I hurt all over. Ugh.”

Shivering, Tweek scooched a little closer and rested a hand on Craig’s uninjured arm. “What happened?” he wondered. Craig looked at him.

“You don’t remember?” Tweek shook his head. “We were walking, not looking for anything in that stupid scavenger hunt, when that chick, Elle, snuck up behind us, pinched your neck and shoved me over that slope.”

Tweek’s eyes widened. “S-So, it wasn’t my fault?”

Craig shook his head, then flinched slightly. “No, it wasn’t your fault,” he told him.

Sighing with relief, Tweek flopped over on the ground, facing Craig. “Don’t worry, Craig,” he murmured, “Stan and Wendy went to get help. You’ll be better soon.”

Craig groaned but didn’t say anything. Instead he closed his eyes, letting out a soft breath. Tweek laid beside him, staring at him with wide eyes. He leaned in slightly, but he quickly pulled back and sat up when he heard someone calling out. He looked over and saw Stan and Wendy with Dr. Shuu coming down the stairs.

“There they are,” Stan pointed out.

Shuu nodded and walked over to stand in front of Tweek and Craig. Without saying anything, he stooped and scooped Craig up in his arms, causing the boy to gasp in pain. Tweek flinched violently at the sound.

“Be careful!” he cried.

“Don’t worry,” Shuu said, “I know what I’m doing. I’m a doctor.” He then started carrying the groaning Craig back to camp with Stan, Wendy, and Tweek following behind.

…

It was dark by the time they got back to camp, and Craig had not stopped groaning with pain. Shuu took him to his office, with the other three trailing. Stan was somewhat relieved when he saw that Kevin and Cartman were no longer there. He didn’t think anyone should stay with this crazy doctor.

Shuu carried Craig over to one of the beds and unceremoniously dropped him on it. Craig let out a loud hiss of pain. Shuu then turned to the three kids. “One of you go get my tools from my desk,” he ordered.

Stan wanted to ask why he couldn’t do it, but he decided it was probably not best to argue with him right now. He went over to the desk and grabbed the tools he had seen Slackjaw grab and took them back to Shuu. Without a word, Shuu pulled out a pair of gloves, put them on, then pulled out one of those medical hammers doctors used to check reflexes.

He started poking and prodding Craig with it. “Tell me when it hurts,” Shuu ordered him, poking his arm with the hammer.

Craig let out a loud moan of pain, which Stan noticed made Tweek flinch. Shuu grabbed Craig’s arm, making the boy groan louder.

“Yup, this arm is definitely broken, all right,” Shuu concluded.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Craig hissed under his breath. Shuu glared slightly at him.

“We’re going to have to amputate the arm,” he continued, “It’s the only way to heal it.”

Tweek let out a scream of fear. Wendy went to comfort him while Stan quickly stopped Shuu from pulling out his saw.

“Can’t you just put his arm in a cast and a sling?” he suggested. He also wanted to ask what was with his obsession with amputation, but he was afraid of the answer.”

Shuu rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he muttered, “We’ll do it your way.” He dug into his tool bag and brought out the cast wrapping and a sling. In what looked like actual doctor work, he carefully wrapped up Craig’s arm, then wrapped the sling around his shoulder. Then he gave him some pain meds as he started checking for other injuries.

“Well, there’s no other serious injuries,” Shuu finally announced, “Just a few scratches and bruises. I’ll have to keep him here overnight to monitor him, though.”

Tweek shivered as his eyes darted between Craig and Shuu. “Um, is it all right if I stay here with him?” he asked nervously.

“Do whatever you want,” Shuu told him as he walked back over to his desk. Tweek turned back to Craig.

“You don’t mind, do you, Craig?” he wondered. Craig merely grunted in reply.

Stan let out a small sigh of relief. At least Craig wouldn’t be here alone. “We have to get to bed,” he pointed out, “Hope you start feeling better, Craig.”

“Whatever,” Craig muttered as Tweek pulled up a chair to sit next to his bed.

Stan left the building with Wendy and headed back to their own cabins. “I wonder who won the scavenger hunt,” Wendy commented as they walked.

“I wonder if anyone won the scavenger hunt,” Stan corrected.

Back in Shuu’s office, Craig looked over at Tweek who was nervously twiddling his thumbs. He sighed slightly.

“You can lay next to me if it would make you feel better, babe,” he told him. Tweek started a bit and looked at him with wide eyes.

“A-Are you sure?” he asked, “I don’t want to bother you…”

“It’s fine,” Craig assured him. He wiggled over a bit to give Tweek some room. “I don’t want you to have to sleep in a chair anyway.”

Tweek nodded gratefully and climbed onto the bed next to him. He laid down and very carefully and gently pressed against Craig, sharing his body heat with him. Craig sighed softly and closed his eyes. Tweek stared at him until he too, closed his eyes and fell asleep.


	10. Isle Beback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The campers get a day to do whatever they want! Too bad this camp is boring as shit.

Kyle shuddered as he laid on the cold, hard, cement floor. He was grateful that Stan had given him an extra blanket to use, but it still didn’t make the floor any more comfortable. He quite resented Brad for stealing his bed. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to get any sleep again tonight. Then he thought for a moment.

He hadn’t seen Tweek come back to the cabin. Had something happened to him? Maybe he was staying with Craig tonight. Maybe that meant he could use Tweek’s bed tonight.

Gathering up his blankets, Kyle quietly walked over to the other room where Clyde was fast asleep. Not wanting to wake him, he carefully placed the blankets on the empty bed and climbed in, thankful that it didn’t squeak. However, just as he laid down, there was a tiny creek and he heard Clyde sit up.

“Tweek?”

“No, it’s Kyle,” the redhead told him, “Tweek hasn’t come back yet. I figured he wanted to spend the night with Craig or something. I don’t think he would mind if I borrowed his bed for tonight.”

Clyde blinked over at him. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then decided against it. “All right then,” he said, “Good night.” He laid back down again.

Kyle wrapped himself in the blankets, curled up, and fell asleep.

…

Stan almost forgot that Craig was in the infirmary when he woke up and saw the empty bed next to him. But then he remembered what happened yesterday, and he relaxed. He got up and stretched, trying to soothe his aching back. Those beds were not the nicest in the world. He got dressed and made his way to the mess hall.

On his way there, he crossed paths with Kyle and started walking beside him. “You look a lot better today,” he noted.

“Yeah, because I actually got to sleep on a bed,” Kyle replied, “For whatever reason Tweek didn’t come back to the cabin last night, so I slept in his bed.”

“Oh, Tweek was with Craig last night,” Stan told him. His friend nodded.

“I figured it was something like that,” he said.

“Yeah, Craig broke his arm when he fell down a hill yesterday, so we took him to Dr. Shuu,” Stan explained, “Tweek wanted to stay with him to make sure he was ok.”

“Jesus,” Kyle muttered, “A lot of kids seem to get injured or sick here, huh? I mean, first Cartman, then Kevin, now Craig? Who’s next?”

Stan didn’t really want to think about it.

When they got to the mess hall, Stan was surprised that Craig was there with Tweek, and Cartman was also there. Craig had his arm in a sling while Tweek held his tray for him, and Butters was chatting excitedly to Cartman, who was grumbling to himself as he slowly made his way to a table with his crutches.

“Huh, I didn’t really expect either of those two to be up today,” Stan noted, “I would expect at least Craig would want to take some time to recover.”

“I wouldn’t want to stay with that crazy doctor, would you?” Kyle asked.

“Good point,” Stan agreed.

The two of them went through the food line then went over to sit with Cartman, Kenny, and Butters. Craig and his friends joined them as well.

“Hey, how are you out of bed already?” Stan asked, looking over at Craig.

“I wasn’t going to spend any more time with that crazy doctor,” he muttered. Tweek sat down beside him set his tray in front of him before pressing against his side.

“God, those pain killers really did a number on me,” Cartman grumbled, as he spread his unrecognizable food around on his plate, “I feel like shit.” Kyle gave him a look.

“Yeah, I don’t think those were pain killers,” he said in a slow voice.

“(You were hilarious, dude,)” Kenny chuckled, “(You were all loopy and delirious!)” Cartman glared at him.

“Shut up, Kenny,” he growled.

After breakfast, Scout Master Scout announced that today was a free day. The kids were allowed to do whatever they wanted to do in camp: crafts, sports, sleep. Cartman, upon learning this, immediately grabbed some food from the kitchen and went back to bed.

“Lazy fatass,” Kyle muttered to Stan. His friend nodded in agreement.

“All right, so we’ve got a free day,” Stan said to Kyle and Kenny, “What do you guys want to do?”

“(Leave?)” Kenny asked hopefully.

“Besides that,” Stan replied, “We’re not allowed to do that.”

As Kenny huffed, Kyle shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, man,” he admitted, “This place is super boring. They have no sports equipment or anything. I just want to go home and play video games or something.”

“Yeah” Stan agreed, “This place is super lame. I don’t feel safe here.”

After a while of talking and debate, the three of them started walking around the camp, desperate to find something to do. They didn’t want to waste their day off. Stan led the way over to the lake where several kids were swimming. He felt his heart speed up when he spotted Wendy walking out of the water, her body dripping wet.

Kyle looked at him, confused, then looked at what he was staring at and sighed. “Come on, dude, you’ve seen Wendy in a bathing suit before,” he pointed out. Stan at her with wide eyes as she came towards them.

“Hey, Stan!” she greeted, “You guys going swimming? The water is actually pretty nice considering what time of year it is.”

Stan’s eyes widened. “Yeah, we’re going swimming!” he exclaimed. Kenny and Kyle gave him a confused look.

“(We are?)” Kenny asked. Stan didn’t answer him as he grabbed their arms.

“We just need to go grab our swimsuits really quick,” he eagerly told Wendy as he started dragging his two friends away.

“But Stan, I didn’t bring my swimsuit!” Kyle objected.

The three separated when they got to the cabins and went to their own. Sighing, Kyle dug through his stuff, hoping that maybe his mom packed his swim trunks without telling him. Actually, he kind of hope she didn’t, as he didn’t want to sit in the water and watch Stan gawk at Wendy the whole time.

Annoyingly, he found that yes, his mom did pack his swim trunks. Grumbling to himself, Kyle was about to start unzipping his jacket, when he was suddenly hit in the head from behind.

…

Some how most of the kids had gotten wrapped up in a game Stan could only describe as “try to drown each other.” It looked like Spitzer was winning and had Jason flailing underwater. Meanwhile, Roger was wolf whistling at girls and clicking his tongue at them, earning a good smack in the face from Red. Everyone was splashing around and having a great time. They didn’t notice anything else going on around them.

“I wonder what’s taking Kyle so long?” Stan wondered aloud. He was trying to decide whether or not he should go in the water without his best friend or not.

“He’s probably taking his sweet ass time so he doesn’t have to get in,” Kenny suggested, his voice clear now that he wasn’t wearing his parka. “Probably afraid a fish will bite him or something.” Stan looked at him.

“Gee, thanks for putting that fear in my head,” he said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome,” Kenny replied, the sarcasm totally lost on him, “Now if you excuse me, I’m going to take this water-proof camera and see how many butt shots I can get.”

Stan stared as his perverted friend eagerly walked towards the water. “That’s really weird, Kenny!” he called after him, “And an invasion of privacy!” Kenny pretended he couldn’t hear him.

After a minute of waiting for Kyle, Stan just decided to go in without him, and paddled out to Wendy.

…  
Kyle woke with a painful headache and aching limbs. He slowly opened his eyes and was startled by where he was. It definitely wasn’t his room. Shivering, he slowly stood up and looked around. His breathing sped up as he vaguely recognized the bone white sand, and dense brush. He, Stan, and Cartman had just been here the other day.

He was back on the island. And this time, he was alone.


	11. Dead Island (Sort of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle is stuck on the island, and no one is there to help him. Meanwhile, Stan and Kenny desperately search for him (once they realize he's even missing, that is.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s going to happen to Kyle? He’ll probably get eaten by zombies, or something, I don’t know. Who cares about Kyle anyway?  
> Kyle: *glares angrily*  
> Love you, babe!  
> Kyle: *rolls eyes* Whatever.

A dense fog covered the island so Kyle couldn’t even see which side he was on. Was he near the camp? Would anyone be able to hear him if he called for help? Should he try to swim for it? What if he got lost?

“Shit,” he swore silently, “How did I even get here?” He vaguely remembered Stan wanting to go swimming, but what happened after that? Why did his head hurt so much? Did someone hit him? He had too many questions and no answers.

Wait, if he was on the part of the beach that was facing camp, he would be able to hear voices, wouldn’t he? Or was the island too far away? Kyle held his breath and strained to hear anything, but nothing came to him. It was as if the entire island had stopped moving so it would make no noise. Kyle let out a breath of frustration. What was he supposed to do know?

Through the fog, Kyle suddenly heard soft whispering. He tried to listen to where it was coming from, but it seemed to surround him.

“H-Hello?” he called nervously into the fog, “Is someone there?” He received no answer. Shivering, he started walking along the beach. Maybe he would eventually come across something that could help him.

“I wish this stupid fog would go away,” he grumbled to himself, “That would make things so much easier.” At least he wasn’t soaking wet and freezing this time.

The whispering sounds were following him. Disembodied voices that seemed to be mocking him ghosted around him. Surely this island wasn’t really haunted, right? Slackjaw had just made it up? But being here now, Kyle wasn’t so sure anymore.

A sudden idea came to him and he pulled out his cellphone, hoping to maybe call someone for help. But his hope didn’t last long when he discovered that the battery was dead. Stupid camp and its lack of electricity. Growling with annoyance, Kyle shoved his phone back in his coat and continued walking.

Someone would know he was missing. They would have to look here eventually. The fog would clear and he would be able to signal for help soon.

…Right?

…

Stan swam beside Wendy, enjoying his time with her. He was glad that Brad and Janet was no where to be seen. He didn’t want Brad to see Wendy in her bathing suit. That was a beauty that Brad shouldn’t have the privilege to see.

“This is pretty fun, huh Stan?” Wendy asked as she floated beside him. Stan blushed a little. “Too bad Kyle isn’t out here with us. Where is he, anyway?”

Before Stan could answer, Kenny suddenly popped up from underneath the water right in front of him, startling him. “He’s probably still in his cabin, pretending to get dressed, when really he’s just going to wait until we’re done,” he said before Stan could speak.

“What were you doing under there, Kenny?” Stan asked, accusingly. Kenny stared back at him with wide eyes.

“Nothing…” he mumbled as he sank back beneath the surface. Stan watched him in confusion.

Sighing, Stan looked around. Nearly everyone in the camp was swimming in the lake, with Al and Guy watching over them. Guy was barking rules at everyone while Al seemed to have his hand down his pants. Away from them, Tweek and Craig were sitting together under a tree, with Tweek gently leaning on Craig.

Why wasn’t Kyle out here yet? Even if he didn’t want to swim, he could at least come outside. Oh well. His loss. Stan swam back to Wendy, who was floating on her back, enjoying herself.

For some reason, no one wanted to point out the fog surrounding the island in the middle of the lake. They were content to just ignore it.

…

“Damn it, this fog is never going to clear, is it?” Kyle grumbled. He walked along the shore, too nervous to venture beyond the bushes. Besides, if he went deeper into the island, he might miss someone coming to help him.

He still had no idea how he even got here. Who had knocked him out? He had been knocked out, right? That’s why his head hurt?

As he wondered about this, Kyle suddenly heard something from the water and turned to see bubbles rising from the lake and an empty boat heading towards him. Kyle froze in place.

Oh God, this place really was haunted. And he was going to die.

…

“Ok, seriously, where is Kyle?” Stan asked after Wendy had gotten out of the water and Stan finally stopped ogling her.

“Do you think we should look for him?” Kenny asked, still in his swim trunks.

“After we get dressed,” Stan decided, as they headed towards the cabins, “It’s freezing walking around out here in just my swim trunks.”

“Wimp,” Kenny taunted and Stan glared at him.

After they got dressed, Stan and Kenny wandered around the camp, looking for Kyle. They searched his cabin first, and Kenny was rather surprised that he wasn’t there.

“Huh, I was sure he would just be here pretending to get ready,” Kenny muttered.

They entered the mess hall where Cartman was sitting at one of the tables, shoveling food into his face. When they asked him if he had seen Kyle, he just laughed and said no. They went to where Tweek and Craig were still sitting under the tree. Tweek had his eyes closed and was gently leaning on Craig, who was softly rubbing Tweek’s arm.

“Have you guys seen Kyle at all?” Stan asked them as they approached.

“Sure, plenty of times,” Craig deadpanned. Stan stared at him a moment, then sighed.

“I meant recently,” he clarified, annoyed.

“Nope,” Craig replied simply, going back to rubbing Tweek’s arm. Stan sighed with annoyance and he and Kenny walked away.

“(Well fuck, that’s everyone in camp!)” Kenny cursed. Stan gave him a baffled look.

“We only asked three people!” he pointed out, “Come on, let’s go check the woods and see if he went for a walk or something.”

As they approached the woods, they ran into Jimmy and Timmy coming out of the woods. Stan quickly jogged over to them.

“Hey, have either of you seen Kyle?” he asked, “We haven’t seen him in a while, and we’re getting kind of worried.”

Jimmy cocked his head to think. “Hmm… N-Nope, haven’t s-seen him,” he replied, “What abou… what about you, Timmy?”

“TIMMEH!” the boy in question exclaimed.

“Great, a lot of help you two are,” Stan muttered under his breath.

“TIMMEH!” Timmy objected, gesturing wildly. Stan and Kenny looked at him. Timmy pointed towards the lake, and for the first time, they noticed the island surrounded in fog.

“Oh shit,” they both muttered.

(Okay, so-  
Kyle: Don’t you dare end this chapter on another cliffhanger! Especially when I could be in danger!  
…Fine. Only for you, Kyle.)

Kyle backed away from the water as the small boat came closer and closer. His heart was pounding, and his breathing was harsh. He took another step back and tripped over a root. With a shout, he fell to the ground.

Well, this is how I die, apparently, he thought to himself as he squeezed his eyes shut. He heard the sound of something emerging from the water and come up on shore. Kyle cringed, waiting for sharp, horrific claws to start tearing into him.

But they never came. Daring to open his eyes, Kyle slowly looked up and was surprised to see Slackjaw standing in front of him, soaking wet and with a rope tied around his waist. Kyle blinked up at him.

“C-Counselor Slackjaw?” he exclaimed, “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” Slackjaw repeated in his high-pitched voice, “Well, I saw a lone figure in a boat row out here to this island. There seemed to be something in the boat with the figure, and when they started rowing back, the thing was gone. This island is cursed, you know, so I decided to check it out. Good thing I did, huh?” He let out a high laugh that sounded more like wheezing, which broke into a coughing fit. When he had finished, he looked at Kyle. “So, do you want a ride back, or what?”

Kyle blinked at him. “But how did you-? You know what? Never mind,” he sighed, “I would love a ride off this island.”

He climbed into the boat, and before he could even ask how Slackjaw planned to get them back to shore, Slackjaw just started walking into the lake, pulling the boat and a very confused Kyle along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, happy?  
> Kyle: …It’s still a cliffhanger.  
> *Sigh* Kyle, eat a Snickers.  
> Kyle: Why?  
> You get a little grumpy when you’re hungry.  
> Kyle: *takes off wrapper and takes a bite*  
> Better?  
> Kyle: Not really.  
> Well, too bad. Anyway, next chapter we might find out who knocked Kyle out! Or we might not! Who knows?


	12. Kicked Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle sends a distress message to his brother. Then cabin arrangements are switched up.

When Kyle and Slackjaw got back to shore, Kyle was very annoyed to find Stan and Kenny lounging in some chairs near the cabins. Angry, he stormed over and stood in front of them, his arms folded, and waited for them to notice him.

Eventually, Stan looked up and saw Kyle glaring down at them. His face lit up. “Oh, hey Kyle!” he greeted, “We were wondering where you went! Where have you been?”

“On the island in the middle of the lake,” Kyle snarled, “But it doesn’t look like you were all that concerned about me.”

“No, we were!” Kenny insisted, “We searched at least half an hour for you!” Kyle glared at him, then turned his furious gaze on Stan, then started to storm away. Stan quickly scrambled after him.

“Kyle, wait!” he called, “Kenny’s just being an ass! I was actually concerned about you!” He ran in front of his friend, forcing him to stop. “Are you all right?”

Reluctantly, Kyle let out a sigh and forced himself to calm down. “Yeah,” he replied, “I’ve got a bit of a headache, but otherwise I think I’m okay.”

“How did you even end up on the island?” Stan wondered.

“I’m not sure,” Kyle admitted, “I just remember looking through my suitcase for my swimsuit, and then something hit me in the back of the head. When I woke up I was on the island. I have no idea who brought me there.”

Stan put a hand on his shoulder in comfort. “How did you get back?” he questioned.

“Um, Slackjaw took me back in a boat,” his friend said, “Don’t ask. It was weird.”

They had been walking as they talked, and Stan suddenly realized they were in front of the mess hall. Shrugging, the two decided to go in.

A bunch of kids were sitting at the tables doing random arts and crafts, including Butters. When he spotted them, his face lit up.

“Hey, fellas!” he called, “Come sit over here!”

With an open invitation like that, Stan and Kyle really couldn’t refuse. They went over and sat next to Butters, who had gone back to making… whatever it was he was making. They could only see that it involved a lot of glitter.

“Uh, what is that, Butters?” Stan asked as Kyle reached for a piece of paper.

“A picture frame!” Butters exclaimed, holding it up to show him, “So I can remember all the good times we shared here!”

“Wait, are you actually having fun?” Stan asked, completely puzzled, “Is there something wrong with you?”

“Stan, it’s Butters,” Kyle mumbled as he wrote on the paper, “Of course there’s something wrong with him.”

In his heart, Stan knew that was the truth. He looked over at what Kyle was writing, and his eyes widened. In huge letters, Kyle had written: “Dear Ike, PLEASE SEND HELP!!! Love, Kyle.” He watched as Kyle folded it up and stuffed the letter into an envelope that was on the table. He started writing down the mailing addresses.

“Do you know where this is?” Kyle asked, looking up for a moment.

“Um, Camp Jackov, Middle of Nowhere, Colorado?” Stan guessed. Kyle sighed.

“I’ll be right back,” he said standing up.

Stan watched him go before turning back to Butters, only to nearly have a heart attack when he found Kenny sitting next to him.

“Kenny!” he exclaimed, “Don’t do that!”

“(What? I was just sitting here,)” Kenny said, innocently. Stan glared at him but decided not to press it.

“Hey Kenny!” Butters greeted, “Look at my picture frame! Ain’t it pretty?”

Kenny stared at it with wide eyes, his kind-ish nature making him unable to comment. But Butters took his silence as an affirmative and went back to adding way too much glitter to it. A moment later, Kyle came back and frowned when he saw Kenny.

“Damn it, Kenny!” he hissed, “Get out of my seat!”

“(Sorry, Kyle!)” Kenny mocked, “(You move your feet, you lose your seat!)”

Grumbling with annoyance, Kyle took the seat on the other side of Stan.

“Did you mail your letter?” Stan asked him.

“Yep,” Kyle replied, “Hopefully Ike will get the idea and free us from this horrible dump of a place.”

“(Are you sure your little brother is going to be able to actually do anything?)” Kenny wondered, the doubt clear in his voice.

“Don’t worry, my brother is a genius,” Kyle bragged, “Apparently.”

“If you say so,” Stan said skeptically.

…

Kyle was exhausted that evening as he went back to his cabin. He really wished he had an actual bed to sleep on, that would probably help him sleep better. Before he even entered the cabin, he could hear yelling coming from inside. It sounded like Brad and Clyde. Quickening his pace, Kyle ran inside.

Brad was dragging Clyde and Tweek’s beds out of their room and into his own. Clyde was trying to stop him, but it was very much in vain. Brad was much bigger and stronger than him, and Clyde wasn’t slowing him down in the slightest.

“Come on! You can’t take our beds!” Clyde growled as he dragged his feet on the ground, trying to halt his movements, “Where are Tweek and I supposed to sleep?”

“Like I care!” Brad sneered, shaking Clyde loose. He pulled the two beds into his room and slammed the door shut.

Where is Tweek? Kyle wondered. He looked around and found the blond curled up and twitching nervously in a corner of the room.

“You all right there, Tweek?” Kyle asked him.

“AH!” Tweek exclaimed.

“Good to know.”

There was the sound of frustration and Kyle turned to see Clyde give up trying to get Brad’s door open. He slumped to the floor in defeat and let out an annoyed sigh.

“Well, I guess we’re sleeping on the floor tonight,” he muttered.

“Welcome to my world,” Kyle said.

…

Over in cabin four, Wendy was laying in her bed, trying to read a book, but Janet’s loud voice was breaking her concentration. Nichole was asleep in the next bed, using earplugs so she could sleep. It really made Wendy wish she had thought to bring earplugs.

She could hear Janet going on and on to Elle about how cute she thought Stan was.

Not like she stands a chance with Stan anyway, Wendy thought to herself, irritation rising within her. Not wanting to hear anymore of Janet talking about how sexy she thought Wendy’s boyfriend was, Wendy got up from her bed and walked out of the cabin.

Being in the middle of winter, the night was cold, but Wendy was rather used to it by now. At first she didn’t really know where she was going, but then she noticed that she seemed to be heading straight to Stan’s cabin.

The lights were off when she got there, but that wasn’t really surprising. It was night, after all, and most of the kids were starting to go to bed. She knocked softly on the door frame, hoping Stan could hear her. She didn’t want to have to wake his cabin mates.

Wendy saw one of the bedroom doors open and Stan stepped tiredly out into the main room. But when he saw Wendy he immediately perked up and quickly went to let her in.

“Hi Stan!” she greeted happily.

“Wendy! What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in your own cabin?” Stan asked, speaking low so he wouldn’t wake anyone.

“Yeah, but Janet won’t shut up about you, and I can’t to sleep, and I don’t want to listen to her,” Wendy whined, “Is it all right if I sleep with you tonight? I promise I’ll be good.”

Even in the darkness Wendy could see how red Stan’s face got when she asked him that. She found it rather adorable, honestly.

“Um, sure Wendy,” he mumbled, stepping aside to let her in. Wendy smiled and leaned in, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, before walking past him, leaving him stunned. Stan quickly shook himself out of his daze and led Wendy over to his bed.

“Try not to wake Craig,” he whispered, “He’ll get really mad at me and then I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Ok, Stan,” Wendy whispered back. She waited for Stan to get into bed before crawling in next to him. He looked embarrassed, as if he didn’t expect her to sleep next to him, but there was surprisingly enough room for both of them.

Stan tried to remember how to breath as Wendy cuddled up to him and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that would be a cute place to end it on. I’ll try to have more exciting things happen next chapter, but I make no promises. Might be more of them just goofing off.


	13. The Bad One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens, including Scott almost dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry this and my other stories have taken so long to update. I’ve been really feeling my depression lately, and it’s hard for me to get motivated to write when I’m like this. I start to feel like all my work is crap when I get like that. I’ll try to have chapters up sooner.)

Stan didn’t know when he fell asleep, but at some point he did, and when he woke up, Wendy was still asleep next to him, her arms firmly wrapped around him. Immediately his heart started racing in his chest, and he felt his face grow warm. Had she been this close to him all night? And did she always smell this good in the morning?

He didn’t really know what to do. He still felt tired, but with Wendy pressed so close, he knew he wasn’t going to get back to sleep. And he didn’t want to disturb Wendy either. She looked so damn peaceful in her sleep, it would be a shame to wake her. But with her arms around him, he couldn’t get up from the bed, so Stan was basically stuck.

A low groan sounded next to him and he turned his head to see Craig starting to wake. The boy moaned with pain and rolled over, facing Stan. He looked as though he barely slept.

“Never sleep on a broken arm,” he muttered, opening his eyes. Then he spotted Wendy sleeping next to Stan and gave the other boy a look. “Why is Wendy here?” he asked.

“Um, she couldn’t stand her room mates,” Stan answered lowly. Craig rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything as he sat up. Stan watched him and then suddenly heard a sound by the door. He looked and saw Pete and Kevin in the doorway staring at him and Wendy. In bed. Together. Stan frowned at them.

“Oh, go away!” he hissed at them.

By the time Craig had gotten dressed and left the room, Wendy was finally starting to wake. She sat up, stretching and yawning, then looked at Stan. She smiled sweetly at him.

“Good morning, Stan!” she greeted cheerfully, “How did you sleep last night?”

“Great,” Stan murmured, trying to hide the obvious circles under his eyes. He didn’t want her to know that she had kept him up all night by sleeping next to him.

They both got up and got ready for the day. Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman were waiting for them just outside. They looked rather confused when Wendy came out with Stan.

“Uh, why is Wendy in your cabin?” Cartman asked, “She givin’ you an early morning blowjob?” Wendy frowned and socked Cartman in the face.

“Glad to know you’re back to normal, Cartman,” Stan sighed as his friend whined in an over-the-top matter.

“Come on, let’s go get breakfast,” Kyle said, ignoring Cartman’s obvious attempts at getting sympathy. The four of them started walking towards the mess hall, leaving Cartman to wail until he realized there was no one around to listen to him. He then begrudgingly got up and hobbled after them.

The mess hall was crowded as always. Most of the kids were still in line to get food. Craig was sitting at one of the tables, waiting for Tweek to get his tray for him. Scott sat nearby, carefully picking through his food to make sure there was no sugar.

Stan and the others got in line right behind Brad and his friends, much to Stan’s dismay. Brad turned around to taunt them, then he spotted Kyle and his jaw dropped. Confused, Stan looked at Kyle who looked equally confused. When he turned back around, Brad had a sneer on his face.

“Well if it isn’t Stan and his plucky little crew of losers,” he jeered.

“(Plucky?)” Kenny questioned.

“Plump and lucky maybe?” Kyle guessed.

Before Stan could attempt to make a clever comeback, Brad shoved him over to stand in front of Wendy. “Hey, baby,” he cooed in what was supposed to be a sexy voice, “I was thinking about you last night.”

Wendy cocked an unamused eyebrow. “Oh really?” she said in most bored sounding voice. “Good for you. By the way, your girlfriend is glaring at you.”

It took Brad a moment to realize what she had said before turning around and coming face to face with a very angry Janet. He started stuttering out an explanation as the line moved past them.

After they got their food practically thrown at them by the annoyed chef, Stan and his friends took their seats at the table with Craig and his friends. Token was cautiously poking at the mysterious grey slop that was their breakfast, while Clyde watched with horror as the slop in front of him slowly ate through the table.

“Aw man, they got the good stuff,” Cartman muttered as he dropped his plate on the table and sat down.

“What’s new with you guys?” Stan asked. Kyle and Wendy sat on either side of him.

Craig grumbled something in reply while Tweek gently rubbed his good arm. Clyde gave Stan a tired look.

“Brad stole Tweek and mine beds last night,” he explained, “I got no sleep.”

“Well now you know how I feel,” Kyle muttered under his breath.

“You guys are wimps,” Cartman scoffed, poking his food with a fork, “You need to get some back bone. I bet-“ He was cut off when the slop on his plate suddenly stood up and slapped him across the face and stormed off. Cartman stared after it in utter bewilderment.

“I wonder what that Brad guy’s problem is,” Tweek muttered as he stirred his food together on his plate, “AH! Why do some people get such joy out of being jerks?”

“I don’t know,” Kyle replied, “Ask Cartman.” Who was still in shock.

Stan was about to say something, but at that moment he happened to notice Scott at the end of the table. He looked panicked and seemed to be searching frantically for something but couldn’t find it. His eyes widened.

“Uh oh,” Scott muttered, “I-I can’t find my insulin! Ack!”

“I think Scott is going into diabetic shock,” Stan said, his voice full of concern. He stood up and went over to Scott before Cartman could get out his obligatory “who cares?”

Scott looked up with worry in his eyes as Stan approached. “S-Stan! You have to help me!” he exclaimed, “Somehow sugar got in my food and I can’t find my insulin!”

“Come on,” Stan offered, helping him to his feet, “Let’s get you to the doctor.” As much as Doctor Shuu unnerved him, surly he would have some extra insulin for Scott, right? As they headed out of the mess hall, Stan caught Brad snickering at them, and he immediately knew who had stolen Scott’s insulin.

One thing Stan had never noticed until this moment when he brought Scott into the doctor’s office was that The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies always seemed to be playing quietly from somewhere. He wondered if Doctor Shuu had an obsession with that song. Dr. Shuu was sitting at his desk, his fingers folded in front of his face when Stan and Scott came in.

“Ah, young Stan. In here for what? The third time this week?” Shuu hissed in a quiet voice, “You know there’s a whole other week after this. Are you sure you shouldn’t pace yourself?” Stan tried not to roll his eyes.

“I, er, don’t really get a choice,” Stan muttered.

“Hm… whatever,” Shuu dismissed, “So, what’s wrong with this one?” He gestured to Scott, who was struggling to stay standing.

“He’s going into diabetic shock, sir,” Stan explained, “He needs his insulin.”

Shuu nodded and went over to a medicine cabinet. His back was turned to them, so Stan couldn’t tell what he was doing. When he turned back around he had a needle filled with some sort of liquid.

“Is that insulin?” Stan wondered. He knew better by now than to trust the doctor.

“No,” Shuu replied casually, “This is euthanasia. Gotta put this poor kid out of his misery.”

“Can’t you just give him his insulin?” Stan sighed, tired of the doctor’s shit, “That’s what he needs after all.” He could feel Scott trembling behind him.

“You are no fun, you know that kid?” Shuu muttered. He went back to the medicine and this time brought the insulin, showing Stan and Scott that he actually had it. He poked the needle into the bottle then, without any warning, stabbed Scott in the stomach. Scott gasped and fell to the ground, while Stan stared in shock.

“There, good as new,” Shuu said with satisfaction.

“Good as new!?” Stan repeated in a shout, “You killed him!”

“Calm down,” Shuu told him, “He’s fine. See? He’s just passed out. I shall keep him here for a few hours, so he can rest.”

Stan quickly looked over Scott and saw that he was indeed breathing. He let out a sigh. “Fine,” he muttered, “Um, I’ll be going now.” Feeling a little awkward, Stan quickly shuffled out of the building, fully aware that Shuu was watching him.

…

When he got out of Shuu’s office, all the kids were leaving the mess hall. Stan quickly joined his friends, who were near the back of the group.

“How’s Scott?” Kyle asked when he reached them.

“Fine? I think?” Stan replied, “Um, he’s passed out, but I think he’s going to be ok. He was breathing and everything.”

“(Oh, that’s reassuring,)” Kenny muttered beside him.

“Who cares about Scott anyway?” Cartman scoffed.

“Hey, where are we going?” Stan asked, ignoring Cartman’s rude comment.

“To the lake,” Kyle sighed, “Apparently we’re going to do swimming exercises or some shit like that.”

“Fun,” Stan said sarcastically.

Slackjaw was leading the group slowly towards the lake, shuffling along at a snail’s pace. If any camper tried to walk past him, he grabbed them and threw them behind himself. It took a lot longer to walk to the lake than it normally would.

When they finally made it to the lake, Slackjaw shuffled up onto a small mound so he could look over all the campers. “Okay, children,” he started in his slithery voice, “Today we’re going to- oh gosh!” He cut himself off when he suddenly saw Pete and Henrietta in the middle of the group with Henrietta hold a small black umbrella to shield the two of them from the harsh day light. Slackjaw chuckled.

“Ok,” he sneered, “I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say someone in this group wants attention!”

Pete and Henrietta frowned at his words.

“Anyway, today we’re going to do some swimming exercises,” the counselor continued, “I don’t care if you can’t swim. You’re doing it anyway.”

“Um, sir?” Butters spoke up, “Shouldn’t we change into our bathing suits?”

“No,” Slackjaw replied simply.

“Why not?”

“Because I like watching you suffer,” Slackjaw hissed, shutting Butters up, “The only two who don’t have to do this are that fat boy and that kid in blue standing by the twitchy kid. If it were up to me, you would be swimming.” Then he muttered under his breath, “Unfortunately, it’s not up to me.”

“What kind of exercises are we doing?” Red asked, raising her hand.

“Shut up and let me speak!” Slackjaw barked at her. Red shrank back a little. “Now, as I was saying, GET IN THE DAMN LAKE!”

Startled, everyone except Cartman and Craig went and ran into the lake up to their waists. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny all huddled together, as the water was a lot colder than the day before, and the fact that they were still wearing their clothes really didn’t help.

“All right, kiddies,” Slackjaw announced, “When I blow this whistle that I did not steal from Troop Master Wendy, I want you all to swim as far as you can out into the water, then swim back. And you will do this until I get bored. Any questions?”

Kevin raised his hand.

“Good,” Slackjaw continued, ignoring him, “Now go!” Taking an obnoxiously large breath, he blew on the whistle.


	14. Lake Fokka Redux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids go swimming and people start drowning. What else is new?

Stan didn’t even get to take one step before he had to stop and save Butters from Brad trying to drown him. He and Kyle managed to shove the larger boy away and dragged Butters to the surface.

“Boy, thanks fellas!” Butters sputtered once he stopped coughing up water, “I thought for sure I was goner! That mean ol’ Brad sure is a jerk!”

“Hey!” Slackjaw yelled before Butters could say anything more, “I didn’t say you could stop swimming! Get a move on!”

Sighing, Stan knew it would be pointless to try to point out that Brad had been dunking Butters in the water, so instead he just launched himself forward and started swimming. He could hear Kyle right behind him as he swam.

Even though he knew he could swim much further out than he did, Stan wanted to conserve his energy and didn’t want to run the risk of getting stuck in the middle of the lake. Instead he swam about as far as the average kid did before swimming back to shore. He felt a little uncomfortable as he could feel Slackjaw’s eyes on him.

Before he could do a second lap, said counselor barked at him. “Hey you!” he snapped, “Go save that drowning kid out there!”

Blinking, Stan turned and saw Clyde some distance out in the middle of the lake, thrashing and struggling to keep his head above the water. Wondering how on Earth that had happened, he was about to start out there, when someone else called out to him.

“Stan, if you let my friend drown I’ll never forgive you!” Craig growled from the shore.

Stan was about to reply, but he was suddenly hit in the face with a life ring thrown by Kenny. “(Here, use this!)” his friend called.

“Why am I the one who always has to save everyone?” Stan muttered to himself as he started swimming out to Clyde, life ring in tow. The brunette was still struggling when Stan reached him.

“Calm down, Clyde,” Stan told him, “Just grab onto this life ring and I’ll swim you back.” Sputtering and splashing, Clyde struggled over to Stan who grabbed his arm and pulled him enough to grab the ring. Then they both started swimming back towards shore.

Only when they were able to stand on their own again did Clyde stop struggling. He flopped onto the beach and started panting like crazy. Stan crouched down beside him.

“What happened out there?” he wondered. He saw some color starting to return to Clyde’s face and realized he was blushing.

“Um, I may have been trying to show off to the girls a little,” he muttered in embarrassment, “I swam out further than I meant to and I got a cramp, and I couldn’t stay above the water.”

Stan was about to say something when there was a flash of blue fabric and Craig was suddenly beside him, smacking Clyde on the head.

“Clyde, you idiot! Don’t ever worry me like that again!” Craig growled at him as Clyde pathetically tried to fight him off.

“Gah! Craig! Stop! I’m ok!” Clyde protested.

Stan stood near by watching as Craig assaulted his friend. He was about to tell Craig that Clyde probably had enough, but he was suddenly smacked in the back of the head.

“Back in the water, boy!” Slackjaw snapped at him, “You’re not done yet!”

Grumbling, Stan sauntered back into the water and started swimming again. Now if he could only go for a few minutes without having to save someone.

He caught up to Kyle, who had been mostly treading water so he didn’t have to exert himself. He panted a little as he swam up to his friend.

“How’re you holding up, Kyle?” Stan asked.

“Grrrreat,” Kyle muttered sarcastically, “I just love swimming in my clothes in freezing water while a crazy vulture man watches.”

Stan didn’t really know how to react to that. “Well, just keep your head above the water,” he cautioned before swimming ahead.

“Will do,” Kyle answered blandly.

After about ten or fifteen minutes of swimming, Slackjaw blew a whistle, signaling everyone to come back to shore. “All right, you little rats!” he shouted, “Get back here! I’m bored now!”

Grateful, everyone started swimming back, with Stan keeping an eye on Brad to make sure he didn’t dunk anyone under the water. Luckily, everyone made it back without incident as Slackjaw waddled over to meet them with Craig and Cartman right behind him.

As Stan trudged onto shore, Cartman came up to him, laughing.

“Boy, look at you, Stan!” he chuckled, “You look like a drowned animal!”

“Excuse me, Cartman, I had to rescue people from drowning,” Stan muttered. But Cartman wasn’t listening.

“You look ridiculous!” he taunted, “I bet-“

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as Slackjaw came up behind the fat boy and shoved him into the lake, where he started sinking instantly.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Stan hissed, going in to rescue him.

…

The kids were allowed to go back to their cabins to change into dry clothes after that. Most of them also took the opportunity to cocoon themselves in their blankets and warm up as well. Stan flopped down on his bed and wrapped himself in his comforter.

A few moments later, Craig came in nursing his broken arm with a shivering Tweek right behind him. He ignored Stan and went over to his bed.

“Here Tweek, you can use my blanket to warm yourself,” he said, starting to pull the blanket off the bed. Tweek quickly came over to do it for him.

“Th-Thanks, C-Craig,” Tweek murmured, covering himself with warmth. He let out a small sigh. “Ah! Nice and cozy!”

“Come on, I’m hungry,” Craig announced, putting his good arm around Tweek’s shoulders, “Let’s go get lunch.”

Stan watched the two of them leave. Lunch was actually starting to sound pretty good right now. Maybe he could keep the blanket with him. He got up and walked out of the cabin towards the mess hall.

A lot of the other kids were doing just the same, bundled up in blankets and extra clothing to keep warm. They all secretly hoped the building would be warm with the chef’s cooking. Luckily it was, but it also made the place smell bad.

Cartman was already in line for food with Spitzer standing behind him and poking him repeatedly in the head. He looked ready to kill someone. Snickering to himself, Stan went and got in line behind Tweek, who was again carrying a tray for himself and Craig. He was still wrapped in Craig’s blanket.

“Hey Tweek,” Stan greeted.

“GAH!” Tweek exclaimed, jumping slightly, and turning around. He relaxed when he saw who it was. “Oh, hi Stan. Nng! What’s up?”

“Oh, not much,” Stan replied, “Just really tired from having to save people. I don’t know why Slackjaw made me do it, but whatever. How’s Craig doing?”

Tweek looked over to where Craig was sitting, saving a seat for him. He smiled gently. “I think he’s glad he doesn’t have to participate in these camp activities,” he said, “He’s not as bitter as I thought he would be about breaking his arm.”

“I wish I could get out of doing these stupid camp activities,” Stan sighed, “Then maybe I could get a break for a few hours.”

After they went through the line, Stan and Tweek sat down with Craig, and they were soon joined by the others. For once the food actually looked semi-edible. As everyone started eating, Stan looked around, noticing someone missing.

“Hey, does anyone know where Kyle is?” he asked.

“(I haven’t seen him since we got out of the lake,)” Kenny admitted. Everyone else at the table mumbled the same thing.

A horrible feeling started rising inside of Stan. He looked around the room and noticed Brad smirking at him on the other side. The horrible feeling got worse.

What did Brad do to Kyle?!


	15. Prickly Bush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle's been kidnapped! How are his friends going to find him, and what's going to happen to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyle just can’t catch a break, can he? He’s sitting in the corner right now, glaring at me for doing this to him again. Everyone say hi to Kyle! Anyway, what happened to him? Let’s find out.

Kyle struggled as Roger and Elle carried him off into the woods. They had his hands tied behind him and duct tape over his mouth to prevent him from calling for help. He was kicking and thrashing as much as he could, but it was making no difference. The two goons had a firm grip on him.

Just as he wondered where the hell they were taking him, Elle and Roger stopped in front of a tree and pinned Kyle to it. Before he could try to struggle out of their grip, they pulled out a rope from somewhere and started trying Kyle to the tree. When they were done, they stepped back to admire their work (and avoid Kyle’s kicking feet.)

“There!” Roger said, “I think that ought to do it! Maybe Brad will give me a promotion!”

Elle rolled her eyes but said nothing. Then, without a word to Kyle, they both ran off into the woods back towards camp. As soon as they were gone, Kyle started struggling to free himself, desperately thrashing and pushing against the tree to try to loosen his bonds. But it was no use. Despite being idiots, apparently Roger and Elle were good at tying knots.

Sighing with annoyance, Kyle looked around, trying to see if there was anything he could use to free himself, or if he could even figure out exactly where he was. Well, there were trees. And over that way there were more trees. And yes over in the opposite direction there appeared to be more trees. Yup. He was doomed.

Just as he was going to give up and resign himself to his fate, Kyle heard rustling in the bushes and perked up, desperately hoping it was one his friends and not a savage wild animal. He didn’t know whether to be glad or not when Camp Counselor Al stepped out of the bushes.

“Why what do we have here?” he asked in an overly sweet and endearing voice, “A lost camper tied to a tree in some sort of camp prank? How very unfortunate! Some predator could have come along and snatched you up!”

Al took a step forward, a wide grin spreading on his face. “It’s a good thing ol’ Al found you first, huh?” he said in a low voice. Kyle’s heart stopped and his breath hitched as Al slowly lowered his hands down to his pants and started unzipping the fly. “Don’t worry,” he murmured in an overtly sexual voice, “Al’s gonna take good care of you…”

…

Stan and Kenny ran around the cabin area, desperately searching for Kyle. They had also enlisted Clyde, Token, Butters, Kevin, and Wendy to help them search, but so far no one was having any luck.

“I think we need to expand our search into the forest,” Stan told Kenny as their third search of the cabins turned up fruitless, “Brad’s dumb, but he’s not so dumb as to hide Kyle nearby.”

“(True,)” Kenny agreed, “(Ok, I’ll search the forest nearest the cabins, and you go to the forest by the mess hall and offices.)”

Nodding in agreement, Stan quickly took off towards the mess hall and Dr. Shuu’s office. The forest was thick around there, so he hoped Kyle was nearby and not deep in. Maybe Brad wasn’t that clever.

As Stan dashed through the forest, desperately calling out to his best friend, he didn’t notice Janet step out from behind a tree until she lashed out her arm and grabbed him around the waist. Before Stan could even recover his breath, he was pinned against a tree, and Janet was smiling in his face.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry, handsome?” she asked in a flirty voice. Stan shuddered and tried to keep his breathing even.

“I-I’m trying to find my friend,” he explained, “S-So if you could just let me go, that would be great…”

He tried to push her away, but Janet just slammed him against the tree again. Before Stan could react, she leaned in and kissed him deeply. Stan’s eyes widened, and he started kicking his legs, trying to get her away from him. It didn’t seem to phase her in the slightest, though, and she just kissed him deeper.

Groaning, Stan kicked out his legs and managed to push on Janet’s shoulders enough to finally break free from her. As soon as his feet touched the ground, Stan took off running into the forest, ignoring Janet shouting after him.

“You will be mine, Stan!” she cried, “One way or another, you will be mine!”

…

Kyle stared in horror at the thing in front of him. He couldn’t breathe as Al slowly stroked his member, letting out a moan of pleasure as he aroused himself. He was staring at the frightened child in front of him the entire time.

Licking his lips in a slow, sensual manner, Al pulled down his pants all the way, completely revealing himself to Kyle. “Are you ready for this, little boy?” he asked, “Because I know I am. I’m going to fill you with a sort of pleasure that you have never-“

“AL!”

Kyle’s heart began to beat again as Slackjaw shuffled into the clearing. Before Al could react, the vulture man snapped a few pictures of him on an old school camera and then addressed him.

“Would you mind telling me why you are standing by this boy tied to a tree with your ding-dong out and your pants around your ankles?” Slackjaw asked in that slow voice of his.

Swallowing hard, Al opened his mouth, trying to think of a logical explanation that didn’t make him look like an obvious pedophile, but he could think of nothing. He closed his mouth.

“Kyle!” came a shout from the bushes. Kyle’s heart lifted as Stan burst into the clearing and ran over to him. Stan let out a sigh of relief on seeing his friend and quickly pulled the tape off his mouth.

“Oh my God, Kyle, are you all right?” he asked. He was briefly aware of Slackjaw snapping at Al to pull his pants up, but right now all of his attention was on Kyle.

“I-I think so,” Kyle murmured, “Can you please untie me?”

Stan nodded and quickly ran around to the other side of the tree to start working on untying his friend. At some point he heard a loud thwack, but he couldn’t really worry about that right now. Eventually, the knots came loose and the rope fell. As soon as Stan stepped around the tree, Kyle launched himself at his friend, embracing him in a tight hug.

Without asking what was wrong, Stan gently hugged him back. He could feel Kyle trembling horribly, and he glanced over his friend’s shoulder to see Slackjaw standing over Al with a branch in his hand and Al rubbing his head while sitting on the ground. He couldn’t imagine what it was Al had been about to do to Kyle.

“It’s ok, Kyle,” Stan whispered to him, “I’ve got you.” Kyle shivered in his arms.

“Come on, kids,” Slackjaw said, dragging the now unconscious Al behind him, “Let’s get back to camp so I can have the chef chop this guy up- I mean call the police.” He started shuffling off towards the camp.

Stan walked behind him, keeping Kyle firmly by his side. When they got back to camp, all their friends surrounded them, asking where they had been. The rest of the day was spent with the police at the camp arresting Counselor Al and Al insisting that it wasn’t that bad. But no one would listen to him.

That night Stan insisted that Kyle stay in his cabin with him and Kyle was more than happy to oblige.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyle is kind of mad at me right now for having him almost get raped. He’s glaring at me and said he’s not going to talk to me for two weeks. I’m sorry, Kyle! I had him get arrested! Please don’t be mad!
> 
> Kyle: *Glares*
> 
> Anyway, how did Slackjaw know where to find Kyle? Easy! He’s an omnipresent being who can transcend time and space and is immune to the plot. Also, he’s coming after you. You can figure out the rest. Have fun!


	16. Doggy Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Kyle discuss what Brad might be up to.  
> Also another person is sent to Dr. Shuu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the fans of this story you may be delighted to know I’ve come up with a sequel for this story, which means I’m going to work hard to try to finish this so I can get working on that. Hooray! Anyway, Counselor Al is gone, which means there is one less threat in the camp, but that doesn’t mean Brad is done doing whatever it is he’s trying to do. Let’s get to it!

The next few days saw Brad kick Kyle, Tweek, and Clyde out of their cabin (which Kyle was fine with, he didn’t want to be near that psycho!) but that meant they had no where to sleep. After much begging, Stan, Craig, Pete, and Kevin let them stay in their cabin.

“I don’t think Scout Master Scout would even notice if you guys stayed here,” Stan said as he laid out extra blankets and pillows in the main room for their new guests, “He doesn’t seem to notice anything, really.”

“Hey Craig! Can I sleep in your bed?” Clyde asked excitedly.

“No,” Craig deadpanned. Clyde pouted to himself but didn’t say anything else.

After that, they all headed to the mess hall for breakfast where Scout Master Scout was handing out letters from home. He walked over to Stan and Kyle as they came in.

“Oh! Kyle! There you are!” he said in his fake happy voice, “This letter arrived for you! I believe it’s from your little brother!”

Kyle took the envelope from Scout and immediately tore it open, eagerly reaching inside for its contents. His face fell when he pulled out nothing more than a plastic orange peeler.

“Gee, thanks Ike,” he growled in his most sarcastic tone of voice, “I knew I could count on you.” Stan gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.

“I guess we’re just going to have to survive the rest of the week on our own,” he said.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Kyle muttered. He and Stan took a seat at one of the tables where Kyle sat with a sigh. “I don’t understand why Brad is suddenly going after me. I’m going to assume he’s the one who stranded me on the island. But I thought he hated you. Not that I want you to get hurt, Stan. But why me?”

A dark thought came to Stan and he shuddered. “Perhaps he’s attacking you to hurt me,” he explained, “He knows you’re my best friend. And I’m pretty sure he wants Wendy for himself. Maybe he’s trying to get me to let her go or something. By attacking the people who are closest to me.”

“God, what a sick fuck,” Kyle hissed. He sighed and looked at Stan, a slight look of worry in his eyes. “What are we going to do about it?” he asked, “I don’t think anyone would believe us if we tried to accuse Brad without any proof. It seems like the only adult actually on our side is that creepy Slackjaw.”

Stan stared back at Kyle, for once not having a clue on what to do. What could they do about Brad? He was bigger and stronger than them, and he had his lackeys working for him. He always seemed to have several plans up his sleeve and even if he wasn’t that bright he was constantly putting his friends’ lives in danger.

“I… I don’t know,” he admitted, “It seems like we’re just going to have to survive for the rest of the week so we never have to see him again.”

Kyle looked skeptical and was about to say something but at that moment a very loopy and drugged up Cartman suddenly slumped down between them. “Heeeeey buddies!” he greeted, slurring his words and throwing his arms around both of them, “What are my two favorite gingers up to?”

“Uh, Cartman? Are you all right?” Kyle wondered.

“Yuppers!” Cartman slurred, “Was just feelin’ a bit o’ pain in me legs so I went an’ got me some pain killers from the doc.”

“I don’t think those were pain killers,” Stan muttered. Kyle nodded in agreement, but at the same time looked like he was desperately trying to hold in his laughter.

“(Hey, what’s wrong with Cartman?)” Kenny asked as he sat down at the table.

“Oh, he’s doped up on pain killers,” Stan explained, “Which may or may not actually be pain killers. He seems a little bit more loopy than last time.” Kenny grinned.

“(Awesome,)” he said. He then turned his attention to his food, which was even more nasty looking than usual. He scowled in disgust and pushed his plate away.

“(Ok, I may be poor and desperate, but not that desperate!)” he hissed.

“It does sort of looks like something died and then wasn’t cooked properly,” Kyle noted. The four of them leaned in to get a good look at it, when it suddenly twitched. Kenny screamed and smacked it away, launching it across the room.

“Well, I’m not eating for the rest of the day,” Stan concluded. His friends nodded in agreement.

They were about to get up and leave when there was a sudden shout from the table and they turned to look. Tweek was twitching even more than usual and Craig was struggling to use his one good arm to hold him still. Token and Clyde rushed over to try to help.

“Tweek, calm down,” Craig muttered. Tweek shouted and tried to pull away. “You’ve gotta calm down, Tweek. Stop twitching and shouting.”

“Ican’t!” Tweek yelled.

Stan got up and went over to them. “What happened?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Craig admitted, “We were just eating when he suddenly started talking fast and twitching and shouting. I don’t know what to do.”

“Tweek,” Clyde grunted as he wrapped his arms around the blond to get him to stop bouncing, “Why are you talking so fast?”

“Whyareyouhearingsoslow?” Tweek asked rapidly.

“Come on,” Stan reasoned, “Whatever’s wrong with him can’t be that bad.” He put a hand on his chest and paused for a moment. “His heart is vibrating,” he observed.

“Help me take him to the doctor,” Craig ordered. Stan nodded and quickly helped Tweek to his feet. The three of them quickly rushed to Dr. Shuu’s office.

It was almost like the doctor was expecting them. He was waiting by the door when they entered and gave them that creepy calm smile. “Ah, hello children,” he greeted, “What can I do for you today?”

“AH!”

“Tweek seems to be having some problems,” Craig told him, “We ate lunch and then he started talking fast and twitching a lot. I mean, more than usual.”

Dr. Shuu nodded then went to his tool box and started looking around inside it.

“Yeah!IwasjusteatingasCraigsaidandIstartedtofeelfunnyandsuddenlyeverythingjuststartedtofeelreallyfastandslowatthesametimeandIwasthinkingthattherewassomethingwrongwiththefoodbutmaybethere’sjustsomethingwrongwithmecuzitonlyhappenedtomeand- EETZCH!” Tweek was talking rapidly until Shuu spun around and suddenly stuck a needle in his neck, injecting him with something. Craig and Stan watched with horror as Tweek collapsed to the ground.

“What did you do?!” Craig shouted accusingly at the doctor.

“Relax,” Shuu said, “I just gave him something to make him sleep. He probably just ingested speed. The chef is kind of crazy and likes to put all sorts of strange things in the food. That’s most likely what happened. Your friend just needs to sleep it off.”

Stan looked down at Tweek passed out on the floor with a tiny smile on his face. His breathing was starting to slow down at least. Craig, however, looked unconvinced.

“I don’t know,” he muttered.

“Trust me, he’ll be fine,” Dr. Shuu assured him, “He should be awake in a couple of hours. You can check back on him then, all right?”

With the assurance that he would be back in a few hours, Craig and Stan left the building. Just in time for Scout Master Scout to call all the campers together for their next “fun-filled” activity.

“I hope you kiddies are ready for some team building sports!” Scout said enthusiastically as Stan and Craig joined their friends, “Because our next activity is a camp classic! Dodge ball!”

All the kids groaned in annoyance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to end the chapter here so I actually have something for the next chapter. I think maybe the next few chapters might be random team sports because Scout thinks they’re “fun team building exercises” or some shit like that. Anyway, in the meantime be sure to leave a comment! And remember that licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.


End file.
